Here's to good friends.....

Here's to good friends, yesterday was kind of special....Our day began at 8 a.m. as we drove to Huntington Station Long Island for the Bridal shower of our daughter Danielle's college roommate Michelle.  The best part of the shower was in knowing that Michelle was going to be marrying my cousin Jon.  Their love story began 4 years ago at my 25th Wedding anniversary party.  I really wanted Michelle to meet my cousin Jon, and at our party, my sister Kristin, pushed Jon and Michelle together on the dance floor, and they have been dancing ever since.  I can't wait to dance at their wedding.  As  quoted by Danielle before in one of my blogs "I love LOVE" 

The best part of Jon and Michelle's union, is that Jon is the son of two of my favorite people in the world Auntie Brenda and Uncle Bobby.  And Michelle (even though she was Danielle's roommate first) is the daughter of our good friends Jim and Marianne.  We became good friends with Michelle's parents the summer of Danielle's freshman year at B.C. and I could not be happier to see both my friends and my family become even more connected.  I am so grateful.

After the shower while still in Huntington, Donnie and I went to visit and go out to dinner with our friends John and Sally and their neighbors Rich and Susan.  How could we not visit with John and Sally, when we just happened to be in the same town on Long Island.  Donnie met John many years ago at a start up company they both worked for.  I knew from the first time I met John, that he would not just be a good friend to Donnie, but he has become like a brother as well.

In many of my blogs I talk about the people and the friends I am grateful for.  John and Sally, and now their friends Rich and Susan have become a part of the people I am grateful for and hold so dear.  Last night at dinner was a reminder of why they are so special.  We had such a great time. Good friends, good food, great conversation, and so much laughter. Who could ask for more.  Here's to good friends, yesterday was "very" special.

The many faces of.....

Mental Illness.  It comes in the guise of many different faces.  The face of Depression, Alcoholism, OCD, ADHD,Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders, and so many more faces.  So many people hide these faces behind masks.  Masks of shame.

Well I for one, have taken my mask off.  I have said before in an earlier blog, that I suffer from Depression.  I am not ashamed of this.  I live with it, and I have gotten help for it.  Help is out there, for those who suffer with the many faces of Mental Illness, and the key is to take off the mask, own up to your illness, talk about it, and seek help for it.

If more people would show their true face, and talk openly about their diagnosis, then the people out there still hiding behind their masks, wouldn't feel so alone, and they too, could cast off their masks, and get the help they need.

I do not, and I am not suggesting that you declare your mental illness the first time you meet somebody.  However, all of us who suffer with the faces of mental illness, know that there is a time, where we choose whether to tell the truth or hide behind our mask.  In my case, the truth has been much more liberating, and I wish for those of you who suffer, to find the comfort to be able to tell the truth.  Perhaps, just hearing one person tell their story, will help those out there still hiding, to seek the help that is out there.

Our Kitchen Table

Yesterday, I had my tea leaves read.  In the tea cup there was an unmistakable,very large question mark. "?"  This was amazing, because right now in my life, Donnie and I are living with a very big question mark hanging over our heads.  Sell our house and move, or stay .

When I really think about moving or staying, I realize that there is only one material possession, that I would take, and that that piece of furniture holds the bulk of my sentimentality, MY KITCHEN TABLE. 

When Danielle was growing up, our kitchen table was a place where her friends would come and sit, while she baked chocolate chip cookies, and I talked to them about love and life.  Its where Michael and Ryan's friends would eat us out of house and home, and burp, and fart, and laugh, and share their many stories.  Its where we decorated countless Christmas cookies, Easter Eggs, and Carved Pumpkins.  We ate our family dinners at the kitchen table, and our dinners were always loud, and boisterous, but filled with conversations, life's lessons, familial bonding, and lots of love.   When we moved to the house we live in now, I wanted to buy an even bigger kitchen table, because I knew as our kids grew older, the friends of all five of them would begin to fill the seats at our kitchen table, and there would be even more stories to tell and laughter to share.    Mary and Jane's friends would sit around this table and continue the traditions of Danielle, Mike and Ryan's friends, before them.  They would bake cookies, eat us out of house and home and Donnie and I would be lucky enough to hear their laughter, share in many of their stories, and tell them our stories as well.  All these things are priceless, and no matter where we end up, the one thing that we will always share is "THE KITCHEN TABLE"

"Happier When"

Today I went to a fundraiser started by my sister Kerri called Tea for the Troops.  It is a fundraiser for our Wounded Warriors. Our brave military men and women who fight to keep our country free, and who come back wounded and need our support.  We owe them so much for fighting to keep our country safe, and this fundraiser is just one way to help show our support.

At this tea, my sisters dear friend Alexandra Stoddard (interior designer and famous author) was the guest speaker.  In her speech today, she spoke a lot about being positive, and finding happiness in our lives.  One of the things she said today, really struck me, and it inspired me to write this blog.

She said to stop saying "I'll be Happier When....." and to just be happy.  I thought about this and finished the sentence in different ways.  "I'll be happier when...I have more money,  I'll be happier when....I lose some weight, I'll be happier when....all my children are settled, I'll be happier when, when, when, when.....There are so many ways to finish this sentence.  Yet if we stop trying to finish this sentence and just live our lives and be grateful for the positive things in our lives instead of dwelling on the negative,  we won't have to worry about "when" we are happier, we can just be "Happy" and live each day to the fullest.

"You Complete Me"

I was sitting here thinking of my blog, "Even though we ain't got money", and my recurrent theme of gratefulness, and my heart filled with so much love and appreciation for the man I married.  As I watch my youngest son, begin his journey into the early months of marriage, I reminisce about my first months of marriage. 

Donnie and I were 20 years old and we just wanted to spend all our time together.  We faced our share of ups and downs in the first months, and in the years that followed, but never once did my love for my best friend and husband waiver.  He has seen me at my best and at my worst, at my highest and my lowest, and he has loved me through it all. When we were raising our children, He was good cop to my bad cop, or vice a versa, we agreed to disagree on certain parenting methods, but always parented with love.  We have been through a lot these past 29 years, and will continue to go through alot.

Donnie said this weekend, that life is a Marathon. With each mile marker, you may face a new hurdle, but its how you face those hurdles at each mile marker and finishing the race that matters the most.  And like Tom Cruise says in the movie Jerry Maguire  "You Complete Me"....I want to finish this Marathon Race called life with you, Donnie Naugler, because "You Complete Me" and I am so grateful for you and for your love.  Lets keep on running this road race of life together....1,2,3

Big Fish in a Big Pond

Many years ago, Donnie and I had considered moving back to our home town of Bedford.  Our kids were growing up in Newton, but we had a chance to maybe move, and we talked to the kids about it.  Danielle would be heading into High School,  and we told her if we moved, she could be a Big Fish in a Little Pond.  She gave this some thought and stated emphatically, that she wanted to be a Big Fish in a Big Pond. We stayed in Newton.

And so, she proceeded to be that "Big Fish".  She graduated from Newton North High School, winning the Senior Cup, for outstanding senior girl, she got into the college of her choice Boston College,  and after graduating from college she moved to the Big Apple and is swimming in the big pond that is NYC.

Yesterday, Marathon Monday in Boston Mass, Danielle proved that she is still a Big Fish in a Big Pond. Along with over 22,000 people, she completed running the Boston Marathon in over 90 degree weather.  Donnie and I were there 100 feet from the finish line, she saw us, threw us kisses, told us she loved us, and sprinted with everything she had left to the finish line.

We are so proud of our Big Fish, and may she continue to challenge herself, and swim in the Big Ponds.  If you believe it, you can achieve it!

From BC to PC

Almost 10 years ago in the month of April, Donnie and I had just finished taking Danielle to NYU for the fifth time, trying to decide if this college was the right fit for her.  After spending the day at NYU, she finally decided, that she did not want to go to NYU.  Her choice was made, and she would be a Freshman at Boston College in the Fall of 2002.  She was the first of our children to leave the nest for college, and she made the right decision, because she had a fantastic four years at BC.

This past week, Donnie and I took Janie, our youngest of five, to Wagner College in NY, and after spending the day there, she decided that Wagner was not the right choice for her.  Today we took her to the college of her choice, so in the Fall of 2012, Jane will be a Freshman at Providence College.

From BC to PC, it has been a long journey.  Danielle went to Boston College where she fit right in and felt right at home.  Michael went to B.C. for a year and to UMASS for a year, and neither school was the right fit for him, he decided that college wasn't his path at that point in his life, and is pursuing his music career.  Ryan started out at Stonehill College, but transferred his sophomore year to Fr. Woods night school at Boston College, and it is there that he found his right fit.  Mary went to UMASS for a year as a nursing major, but did not feel it was the right place for her.  She worked very hard and transferred into Boston College school of Nursing for her sophomore year....she loves BC and it is definitely the right fit for her.

Jane had no intentions of applying to Boston College.  She wanted to follow her own path, and today as we toured Providence College for accepted students day, I felt it...Jane's right fit was this college.  She is her own person, and as soon as we stepped on the campus grounds, both Donnie and I knew in our hearts that this is where she belonged.

From BC to PC,  these last 10 years, have been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Each of our children had to find the right fit for them, whether it was the right college or the right career choice.  I cried on Danielle's first day of college, and I have cried on each of the other children's first day of college.  Today, without letting Jane see, I held in my tears, because this fall will be the last first day of college for our children, and it is hard for me to believe that my baby girl will be going to her first day of Providence College in September of 2012. 

Ten years, and I could not be prouder of each and everyone of my children.  May they continue to find their right "fit" in whatever they choose to do in life.  BC to PC, 10 years, it's been a great ride.  I know this fall I will definitely be crying on Jane's first day, but the tears will be of joy and a whole lot of pride..

Cruising through Calvary

Several times a week I find myself driving through Calvary Cemetary.   Many generations of my family members on both my mother and fathers side are buried there.  Both sets of my grandparents are there, and often I drive by their gravesites, and find myself talking out loud to them.  I wish them Happy Holidays, I wish them peace, and I reminise with them about my memories of them.  When I am having issues with my children, I go there and ask them, how they ever mangaged raising their kids.  They never answer me, but I find a sense of solace, in just knowing that they too raised their families and faced lifes ups and downs like we all do.

I drive all through the cemetary, and when I am feeling stressed out or overwhelmed by life, I find myself comforted in knowing that all these people buried here, have a story to tell.  They all knew some sort of joy and some sort of sorrow at one time in their lives.  I think of my great Aunt Sophie who is buried in this cemetary.  She lost a son at the age of 8, she had a daughter born with cerebral palsey, she had a husband who lost a limb in a work accident, and she lost a son at the age of 42.  All these things happened to her, and yet whenever I visited with her, she would be baking or regaling me with family stories with laughter and a twinkle in her eyes.  She knew sorrow and she knew joy in her lifetime, and died in her 90's.  I think of my great Aunt Mesa, her mother died when she was a teen, and she ended up raising my grandmother Rose.  It could not have been easy to have lost your mother and then to become a second mother to your own sister.  But when I think of Aunt Mesa, she too knew joy and sorrow, and yet when I would visit with her, she never said woe is me, she would tell me stories of her childhood and that of her siblings, and I would end up laughing at the stories she would tell. She is buried in Calvary as well.  So many of my family members, so many strangers, and they all have stories.

Many of these people woke up each day, went to work and experienced life....the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But they all lived.  For the babies who are buried at Calvary, I find a kind of peace in knowing that God needed angels, and those babies are all angels in heaven watching over us.  Not everyone believes these things, but I'm not asking anyone to share my beliefs, I just know that I find comfort in knowing that when I am cruising through Calvary, I am not alone.  I am surrounded by angels, and family members who watch over me and my family from heaven.  And when I am having a particularly bad day, I cruise through Calvary and remember to cherish each day, as my story continues to be written..

Elementary School Friendships

When your children grow old enough to go to Elementary school, it is a time when friendships amongst parents are formed.  Your son or daughter meets new friends, and you and their parents become friends too.  But are all these friendships true friendships, and do they all last?

It does seem to happen in a lot of cases though.  You have play dates for your children and their new friend or friends, and often it ends up being a time for the parents to get to know each other over a cup of coffee or something.  You and that new parent seem to have alot in common, and the main thing in common is the budding friendship between your children.  As your children's friendship grows, many times the adults friendships grow as well.

Lets face it you do see a lot of each other at school functions, at the playground, at soccer, baseball or other sporting events.  But is your child's friendship with their child, enough to base a true friendship on, and as those children grow up and go their separate ways (or maybe even stop being friends) does this mean the adult friendship should end too?

I met alot of parents that I thought were my friends, when my children were young, but as it turns out, we didn't have as much in common as I thought, and some of the friendships didn't last.  I do have a best friend that I met through my oldest daughters Elementary school years.  She had a son the same age as my daughter, and I thinks we have such a great friendship today because there was never any competition between our children, probably because they were opposite sexes.  I am grateful for this friendship, and for my friend Lori.

Today I blog because sometimes, many years later you can rekindle a friendship from your children's Elementary school years, with someone who you didn't really get a chance to get to know better when your kids were young.  You may have been friendly with that person, and generally liked that person, but due to outside influences, the friendship never got to grow.  Today I went for a walk with just such a woman. We realized how much we had in common, and how much alike our home lives were.  We got along like we have been friends for a lifetime, and to be honest with you....at 49 years old, I think she and I will be better friends than we would have been in our 20's, because, there are no outside influences keeping us from knowing each other better, our children are grown, there is no competition, and we are two strong, healthy and happy women secure in who we are,  we have our own minds and can decide who we want to be friends without other people swaying us one way or another.

As said in one of my earlier blogs, I suffer from depression, and what I've learned from dealing with this malady, is that I need to surround myself with positive people.  I don't need to be friends with anyone who is negative energy, and I need friends in my life, that I can be myself with.  Friends that I can be open and honest with, and not worry about being judged.  So to my friend who I went walking with today, (you know who you are)  thank you for calling and asking me to go for a walk today, and thank you for your honesty, and allowing me to be honest as well.  Its a great foundation to a friendship, and I look forward to furthering our Elementary School Friendship, almost 20 years later.  It is never to late to build positive friendships.

"New Life"

Tomorrow my family will celebrate Easter.  A time for "New Life".  6 years ago on the Eve before Easter, my son was canoeing on the Charles River when his canoe tipped over.  It was dark by the time he and his friends were canoeing home, and he ended up somehow swimming under the light of the moon, to the edge of the Charles and finding his way to an assisted living residence..  At the residence, he asked to use the phone, and called us for a ride home.

The other interesting thing about that time, was that two weeks prior to this Easter, the people at my grandmothers nursing home told us to prepare for her passing. But my Nana rallied, and that Easter we were able to go to Mass with her.

By the grace of God, my son was a strong swimmer and made it safely to the land.  Also by the grace of God my family was able to spend one more Easter with my Nana.  The miracle of Easter and New Life, was that my son did not drown, that Easter eve, and we were given extra time with my grandmother.

Over two weeks later, after that Easter, my Nana did pass away. I think things happened that Easter for a reason.  In retrospect, I see that these incidents were a reminder to cherish our life, and to be grateful for the time we get to spend with our loved ones.  Everyday is a gift, a gift of "New Life" one we should never take for granted.

"I love Love"

Tonight my daughter Danielle and I went to the Bridal shower of her Kindergarten best friend.  Danielle has six friends getting married this year, and truth be told, I always thought, she would be the first one of her friends to get married.  She had been in a serious relationship all through college and after.  Six years to be exact, and there was a time during those six years, that she was planning when she could see herself married to this man.  The relationship ended.  It was painful, she loved him.

In the three years since the breakup, she has not wanted to get back into a relationship, she was hurt deeply.  The funny thing is, is that even though she will be going to these six weddings alone (without a plus one)  she isn't the slightest bit bitter.  In fact, at the shower tonight, she turned to me with a smile on her face and stated happily, "I love LOVE"  This made me happy, because even though she was hurt deeply by the man she loved for six years, she hasn't given up on LOVE, and when each of her friends gets married she will celebrate their love and know that it's a wonderful thing to "love LOVE"

Danielle's love right now is her passion for pursuing a career in comedy, and performing.  I believe one day we may even see her on a show like Saturday Night Live, or even her own situation comedy. She is driven, and secure in who she is.  She is a talented, beautiful, and passionate young woman, and when the time is right, she will turn to me and say with a smile on her face "I love LOVE" because some very lucky man is going to win her heart, and he too is going to love LOVE, because he has the love of my wonderful daughter.

I love LOVE too Danielle, and I especially love you!

The gift of "Presence"

In the Catholic religion, when you have a baby, you choose two people to be that baby's godparents.  Godparents are chosen to make sure that if something should ever happen to the baby's parents, then it is the godparents role to see that the child continues their catholic upbringing and education.  I feel that the godparents role is even more than this, as you will read on, you will see what I mean.

When our son Michael was born, his perspective godparents along with Donnie and I met with our church's Sacrament coordinator, our dear friend Sr. Joanne.  She taught us two very special things at that meeting.  One was to always bless our children, with a tiny sign of the cross on their forehead, their hand on just an air blessing.  This sign of the cross was our way of saying God always watch over and keep our child safe.  She also told the godparents to do this.  The other important thing we learned at that meeting was that godparents should not be about the "presents" they buy for their godchild, but to give their godchild the gift of their "presence" in their lives.

This lesson is one that I think transcends religion, and can be done everyday with the people you love.  Take the time to give your friends and loved ones the gift of your "presence" it is a gift that is priceless and one that can mean so much more than a store bought gift. 

Donnie and I are truly blessed, because we chose godparents for all five of our children, that truly do give them the gift of their "presence"  Even now, as my children all grow into adulthood, their godparents give them the gift of their "presence" by even just picking up the phone and asking our children about what's new in their lives.  They take the time to show an interest in their lives. In a generation of people thinking that "time is money", the godparents of our children give our children the gift of their time, and I thinks both parties are that much richer for the bond they share.

It's kind of like paying it forward people....Take the time to be a "presence" in someones life.  You never know when that simple gesture can change a persons day from bad to good.  God is a"presence" in all of our lives (for those who choose to believe) and if we live the Golden Rule, to do unto others as you would have others do unto you....then maybe one day, when you are feeling low, someone will call you or show up at your door to give you the gift of their "presence" and make your day brighter.

Give the gift of your "Presence"  it is invaluable.

"The Guardrails"

When our children were younger, we took them to Canobie Lake Park, an amusement park in New Hampshire.  There was a ride there that my husband always refers to when he talks to our children about life.  The ride was Old Fashioned Cars, that drove around on a closed course.  As a child you thought you were driving the cars all by yourself, but as a parent you notice that the cars are actually guided along by a metal "guardrail" underneath the cars.

My husband always refers to that ride and its "guardrails" when he refers to parenting.  When our children are babies/toddlers, we use our own non-metal "guardrails" to keep them from falling down when they are learning to walk, climbing stairs, trying new foods, and many other baby/toddler milestones.  It is our job to be their "guardrails", and to do whatever needs to be done, to keep them safe.

As our children grow into their teen years, being their "guardrails" becomes a more difficult task.  We talk to our children about the difference between right and wrong, making smart choices, knowing their limits, respecting their bodies, and basically we try to instill morals and values in them.  We tell them that they are responsible for their actions and choices, but if their choices veer away from those "guardrails" they will probably be grounded.  It our way of trying to continue to steer our children in the right direction, and teaching them to be responsible for their actions and choices.

As our children grow beyond their teen years, and into their adult years, that role of being their "guardrails" begins to diminish...As their parents we have laid down the course, taken on the role of their non-metal "guardrail" and given them the foundation of love, support, and guidance, that will take them on their own amusement park ride.  No longer the Old Fashioned Car ride, but the ride of Life, and where that journey will take them....only their own internal "guardrails" will know.  

To my five children ages 27 - 17 , enjoy the ride, and whatever roads it may lead you on!