Christmas "Presence"

My sister in-law recently posted on face book a video of my husbands 101 year old Grandmother dancing with a teddy bear that sings "That's Amore"  on Christmas Eve. The video was so full of Christmas joy, and his grandmother personified that joy.  Gram has seen 101 Christmas's come and go, and she has watched many of her loved ones pass away over the years, yet she celebrates life and continues to bless us with her "presence".  "She" is the best Christmas present we receive from her each year when the presents are being passed around on Christmas Eve.

One day, she will not be present to celebrate Christmas with us, but the gift of her presence will live on in our hearts.  She is my husbands past, my husbands present and my husband's future.  Because of the gift she and Grandpa Vaudo gave to him.  They gave him his mother, who in turn gave him life, and who in turn gave him to me, so that we could give our five children life. The present that keeps on giving.

We are truly blessed to have Gram, but we are also truly blessed to have had all of our ancestors.  When our daughter Danielle was born in 1984, she had four grandparents, and 8 great grandparents living.  We celebrated Christmas with all of them, and the gift of their presence in Danielle's life was priceless.  I can remember Danielle singing to all of these grandparents and great grandparents, as soon as she learned to sing, and she gave all of them, the gift of song and her presence in their lives.

When I look back over the years, I see, my Nana and Grampy Dougherty's house with their Charlie Brown Christmas tree, and I can hear in my memories Bing Crosby singing in the back round, and Grampy singing along with him, while Nana puts the Roast Beef dinner on the table for our Christmas dinner.  I see Nana and Werner (my step grandfather..my Grampy Feeley passed away when I was 4) Aunt Carol, Uncle Lou, Uncle Gary, Aunt Gina and our families celebrating Christmas Day at alternating houses year after year.  I see Donnie and I heading over to Bedford on Christmas Eve after we had just been in Lincoln with my parents and my grandparents, to continue Christmas Eve with his parents and Grandparents.  And then on Christmas Day, after being with my relatives, we would go over to his house and spend the rest of the day with his fathers parents, his mothers parents and his parents. 

We did alot of running around back then, and at that went on for years until Ryan was born.  After Ryan was born, the Holidays began to change.  Great Grandpa died in 1988, and my grandfather Dougherty passed in 1993.  Since then we lost all of our other grandparents, and Gram is our last surviving Grandparent, and our children's last living Great Grandparent.  My mother has fought and beat her battle with Cancer, my father survived a double bypass, Donnie's father deals with diabetes, and his mom thankfully is in good health.  We have been given some of the best Christmas presents any one could ever ask for ...we have been given the gift of all of these relatives "Presence" in our lives.  They are our gifts that we treasure in our hearts not just at Christmas, but in every day, in every way.  They are our past, our present and our future. 

I write this as I was taught to write and taught my children to write Thank You notes whenever we received gifts.  I write this as a Thank You to all of my relatives living and those who are no longer with us.  Thank you (to all of our relatives) for the unending gift of your "Presence" in our lives.

Tonight is New Years Eve 2012 and as we go forward into 2013, lets remember to always be appreciative the gift of our loved ones "Presence" in our lives, whether they are still with us or in our memories.

I Spy with my one good Eye

It's been awhile since I have done some blogging, but having just been on bed rest for over two weeks, I felt the urge to write.

A little over 4 weeks ago while making Christmas Cookies with our children and their grandparents, I mentioned out loud that I was seeing spots dancing around outside my right eye.  My mother in-law told me that I was seeing floaters and it was a sign of aging.  Seeing that I am a few months away from turning 50...this is not what I wanted to hear.

The floaters continued to get worse and I went to see my eye doctor who confirmed that I had a Vitreous detachment in my right eye, and yes it does seem to happen as you get older, but he assured me that in most cases the vitreous (floaters) would disappear and hopefully my eye would be fine.  He also mentioned that in some cases there could be a chance that the Vitreous detachment could lead to a Retina detachment.

I went to work the next week, with the floaters still affecting my eyesight in my right eye, but as the week progressed, I began to see a very dark mountain type shape on the lower part of my eyesight...I could only partially see through my right eye.  I assumed this was still the Vitreous detachment, but called the eye doctor to be on the safe side.  After he examined me, he immediately called a Retina Specialist, and the next day, I was diagnosed with a Retina detachment, and had an emergency procedure done that same evening to try and repair the detachment.

It was a somewhat painful procedure, and after it was performed, I was then instructed to lie only on my left side with my head flat at all times, and I could only get up to go the bathroom and eat.  Fortunately for me with only two weeks till Christmas, I had already finished all my shopping, all my wrapping,all the decorating,  made and froze two pans of lasagna, two containers of sauce, and most of my baking was done. The hard part was being bedridden and learning to let others take over the running of my house and the rest of the Holiday preparations.

Danielle, our oldest daughter came in from NYC the night of my procedure, and Mary and Jane our other two daughters had just finished with their finals, and they all took over.  Don had to go away on a business trip and he couldn't have left me in better hands.  From my one eye, lying on the couch, I watched as my daughters kept up the house cleaning, made the dinners, did the laundry, finished my holiday baking, and basically took over as the "Mom" of the house.  My son Michael would check in frequently and my son Ryan and his wife Annie brought me ice cream and she helped wrap the last couple of gifts for me.  My friend Meryl and my friend Lori brought the family dinners, and my parents came by to entertain me with their company, and help out in whatever way they could.  Prayers were being said for my eyesight, and for my Retina to heal, and I had to have faith that if I did what the doctor said, then my Retina would reattach, and my sight would return.

It has now been two days since I was allowed to sit up and move around.  My Retina has healed, and I pray that it stays healed and that my other eye will remain unaffected.  The fear of losing my sight taught me, that I shouldn't fear aging, I should appreciate each day, each sunrise, each sunset, and all the beauty that surrounds me.  I saw even with my one working eye these last two weeks, the beauty and the love that is my supportive family and circle of friends.  Eyes open has a new meaning for me, and even though my sight in my right eye will not return to normal for another month or so, I realize that when you see through the eyes of love, then your sight is never  taken from you.  My heart saw so much these last weeks, and I consider myself  blessed to be able to truly "See" what is important in life.  

P.S.  Danielle, Mary, and Jane, you all stepped up to the plate these last weeks, and I just want to thank you three for all you did for me, and I love you very much....I think I've met my match in the three of you, or maybe it's just a testament to the saying that "The Apples didn't fall far from the Tree"   You girls rock.

P.P.S  For those of you who read this blog, please learn from my experience, and if you see black dots or floaters in the line of your vision, make sure to go to your Eye doctor and have your eyes checked out.  Early detection can help prevent more serious Retina tears.

"Bookends"

Yesterday was my youngest child Jane's birthday.  There are 10 years between our oldest and youngest children.  Danielle is now 28 and our baby Jane is now 18.  The "Bookends"  We always called them this because, they looked so similar at birth, and their personalities were the same, and once we had Jane, we knew our family was complete.

Yesterday, I also spent the morning with my oldest brother Kevin (who was here visiting from Texas), my parents, my sisters Kerri and Kristin, and my youngest brother Kenny.  (We missed you at Friendly's Keith, my other brother who lives in Washington). So interestingly enough, I spent the day with my parents "Bookends", their oldest and youngest child. 

The books in between my bookends: Danielle (Michael, Ryan,Mary) Jane and the books in between my parents bookends: Kevin (Kelly, Kerri, Keith, Kristin) Kenny, make up years of stories, years of treasured memories, years of laughter and tears, joys and sorrows.  Like any book on your bookshelf, they all tell a story.

At breakfast with my parents and siblings, we all shared some memories and had some laughs.  As we were getting ready to leave, my brother Kevin said that these "moments" the unexpected gathering of family members, the business trip that brought him here for a quick visit, or any moment that we as a family are able to see each other, no matter how long the time is....these are the "moments" we should cherish.

I agree with my brother.  I am very fortunate right now in my life, that very often, I am able to get all five of my children together around my table to share stories, laughter, and the sheer joy of being all together at the same time, but I know this is not always going to be that easy.  As my children continue to grow, they will have families of their own, and they will be spending time at their own homes and tables surrounded by their children, and making their own new "moments" to cherish. 

Life is a forward progression, and this is how it should be, so that is why when I get the chance to see one of my siblings, if even for a short visit, I cherish it, and I carry that snapshot of our time together in my heart.  I have the memories of our childhood in my heart, and it is fun to relive some of those memories with my siblings when I see them, but I am also happy for them, that they are making their own new memories, "moments" and stories with their own families. The circle of life goes on.

I know it saddens my parents to see their children leave after a visit with them, but I am grateful that they have each other and their health.  I see my parents now, and I see myself and Donnie in them.  As Donnie and I become empty nesters, I see that it is hard to let your children go, but if you've done your job right, then your children are supposed to move on, and all you can wish for them, is that they are happy, and that they continue to create new stories for their own bookshelves.  The bookshelves that will be filled with books made up of childhood memories, and the memories that they will make with their own families one day.

Bookends and the books in between, the stories of a lifetime.  Cherish the "moments", and when you do have the chance to spend time with whether it be one sibling, all your siblings, your mother and father, grandparents, or any family member, take the time to relive the old stories, make new stories, and continue to fill your bookcase full of the stories of life.

On my bookshelf right now, there is only one Bookend....because I have a lot of stories yet to write, and fill with memories, and cherished moments.   I hope one day when my final Bookend gets placed on the bookshelf, that my bookshelf will be overfilled with stories of love, and happiness, joys and sorrows, ups and downs, but a Story that will live on in the memories of my children, their children and their children's children....the circle of life, a forward progression.

The Art of Holding Hands

I was thinking the other day about the young people of this generation.  How fast paced their lives are and how the expression "Hooked Up" is common place for them.  Not too many young teens date monogamously today.  Girls and Guys are friends, but half of them have hooked with each other and each others friends. And the ones who date only one significant person, seem to be the odd ones out.

If someone asked me why my marriage works today, and why I still love my husband so much.  I would say it is because he was and has always been, "My Best Friend"  I remember the first time we kissed....I was so nervous, but as we held hand and walked down to the track for that first kiss, I was comforted by that hand that was holding mine. Even at a young age, I could tell him anything.  I never kept anything from him.  Before we even started dating, we used to sit in the back of the Library at school, and talk about everything that was happening in our lives.  He was my confidant, my friend, my rock and almost a year later he was my boyfriend.  We built our foundation, on a friendship built on trust and admiration.  If I had "Hooked Up" with him first, then that foundation would have never been built, because what was there to look forward to.

Recently, two of my relatives have passed away.  My Uncle Dave passed suddenly which I am sure was very hard for my Aunt Sheila. And my Aunt Marcia passed away more slowly.  I thought about my Aunt Marcia, and how my Uncle John slept by her bedside at night, just waiting for the moments when his wife, his best friend would open her eyes and acknowledge his presence by her side.  I imagine that my Uncle spent a lot of time just holding her hand, letting her know in this simple way that he was there with her. And I am sure that when my Uncle Dave was sick, my Aunt Sheila did a lot of hand holding as well. 

In sickness and in health, I have seen a lot of my relatives holding hands.  Holding the hands of their life mates, their best friends.  Young or old these people began their relationships founded on friendship. My wish for this "Hook Up" generation is that they don't miss out on the value of  "The Art of Holding Hands"  its a great foundation for friendship, and even greater foundation for a relationship.

"Remember George...no man is a failure if he has friends.....

I love the movie "Its a Wonderful Life".  Donnie and I watch it every year.  To me Donnie is George Bailey.  From the moment I started dating him, and still today, he has continued to "Lasso the Moon" for me.  When we lived in our old house, I can still close my eyes and see him in his pajamas and robe running down Tolman Street during a snow storm shouting "Good Morning Bedford Falls" and feeling the sheer joy of a snow storm and the warmth of knowing his family was safe and warm inside the house.

Donnie to me is Joy.  I am not trying to get sappy, I just wish that everyone could catch what he has, because he is a simple man who appreciates all he has ,gives so much to so many, and never asks for anything in return.. (Very much like George Bailey)

Last night we celebrated at the Wedding of our niece Nicki and her now husband Izzy.  It was a beautiful night surrounded by family and friends.  Nicki read a thank you speech to all of her guests, and in that speech, she referenced something I had said to her at our 25th Anniversary party....she said that I told her is was all about the "Passion" and that Passion was the key.

She is right, and I still feel that Passion everyday.  The passion I speak of is the Passion for Life.  Appreciate all you have and be grateful for friends, family and most of all Love.  At our 25th Anniversary, Donnie was in between jobs, and money was tight, but we still went on with our celebration, because to be surrounded by friends and family is priceless.  Donnie is in between jobs again, and it's a scary thing to be without a job in this economy.  But he never complains.  Last night I watched him dance with our children and their significant others, and his smile could have lit up the room.  He was again "Joy personified"  he was filled with a Passion for life, for his family, for his happiness for his niece, and just happy to celebrating one of life's beautiful moments.  My George Bailey is the richest man I know, and we may not live in Bedford Falls, but we met in a town called Bedford, and even though times may not always be easy....I choose, along with Donnie, to live the mantra..."It's a Wonderful life" and surround ourselves with passion, family and friends....

The Art of being a Giver...

Some people by nature are true givers.  They know instinctively what you need before you even realize you need it, and they are there to give it to you.  The true art of being a giver, is to give, without expecting anything in return.  It is to be totally unselfish.  The reward is not the praise the giver receives, or the accolades, but the comfort in knowing that your act of giving "kindness" can make the difference in a positive way in the givee's life. 

I write this because I am a proud mother of a wonderful daughter who is the ultimate "Giver".  My beautiful daughter Danielle is an amazingly unselfish Giver, who does so much for so many people, and expects nothing in return.  She gives because she has so much love for the people she gives to.  Her friends, her family, the people she works for, all receive her acts of giving "kindness's", because, when she cares for someone, she would move heaven and earth to make their lives happy and fulfilled.

I want to "Give" her this today....I want to tell her, that I see all she does, and I know she expects nothing in return, but she has my unconditional love, and pride....and I just thought today, I would dedicate my blog to her....because she gives me so much,  and she has been giving me so much joy since the day she was born.

When you're extraordinary You gotta do extraordinary things

Today's post is guest written by my husband, Donnie:
Pippin is a musical that has found its way into our lives on several occasions.  My brother-in-law was in it in college.  Our son Mike played the role of Pippin in middle school.  I sometimes tend to oversimplify things, but I have long held the premise that the musical is all about one man's struggle to find the extraordinary in his everyday life.
I believe this is a struggle that many of us have as we go through life.  As parents and mentors, we strive to enable the next generation to "do whatever they want to do" or "be whatever they want to be".  This is a noble goal; but I see at least two flaws with this endeavor:
-  The next generation has so many options, they frequently hesitate to pick one and start.
-  A cloud of confusion is generated as to what it means to be extraordinary
It is the second item that Kelly and I were talking about today.  Most of you probably know this, but I am currently in between jobs.  I have been working hard to make sure I keep a schedule, make appointments to meet with people and fully exercise my network etc.  But today was just BEAUTIFUL!  Kelly came home from running errands and said, "Let's go for a ride on the bike".  So we did.  We rode out through Lincoln and Concord and went for a walk at the North Bridge.  As we walked the grounds and realized what an extraordinary accomplishment those ordinary farmers accomplished at that bridge some 200 plus years ago, we talked about how happy we are that we have always been able to find the extraordinary in the ordinary everyday encounters.  Our lives are complete and we have been able to enjoy our journey together because we both have the ability to see these things. 
The celebration of a marriage, all the planning, and all the people you get to visit with - extraordinary.
The birth of a child, his/her first word, first step, even the first fall - extraordinary.
First day of kindergarten, little league championship, first day of dance, opening a recital, concert solos, a 25th anniversary...  I could go on, but I would likely bore you and would run out of space.  I think the key, at least for me is this.  I have never felt like I "had to settle" or that I missed out on an opportunity to be extraordinary because I have cherished the extraordinary 'moments' that present themselves to me.  For that and for the people in my life who have helped me with that, especially my best friend, my wife, Kelly - I am extraordinarily thankful.

The Joy of growing up Poor

I was having breakfast in Concord Center yesterday with my sister Kerri at the Main Street Cafe.  She is currently taking a writing course, and in this course you write about your memories.  So as we sat there over our coffee, we began reminiscing about our childhood.  She read one of her memory stories to me about when our family had to sell all our possessions and move to California.  But we didn't know how poor we were, or why my mother had to sell all our possessions, we were just excited for a new adventure.  There were only 5 of us six K's at the time, (Kevin, Kelly, Kerri, Keith, and Kristin....Kenny came along years later) and we lived in California for a little over a year, until our Dad lost his job,  we had to sell all our things again, pack up our car and drive cross country back to Massachusetts.  In Kerri's story she remembers, singing in the car, and my parents making up a song about cows (Moo Cow Moo Cow Moo Cow Cow)  every time we saw cows we would laugh and sing that song over and over (ahh the joy of simple entertainment).  We didn't have game boys or lap tops in those days, so made up songs, and coloring books and crayons had to suffice. One of my memories of that trip back to Mass. was that I heard my parents talk about running out of money, so when we got to Nevada, my Dad parked the car outside a Casino, and my mom went in and actually won money, so that we could eat and make it back home to my grandparents house in Lincoln where we lived until we got back on our feet, and my Dad got at job teaching and coaching. 

My Dad ended up getting laid off from that teaching job, and the next years were tough.  Now there were six mouths to feed, and my Dad went from job to job.  Those were the "Lean Years", but we never knew it.  My mother somehow made meals out of magic.  One of my favorite meals was elbows macaroni with tomato soup on it.  To this day I find myself craving that meal.  What got us through those years were Angels.  Angels in the guise of my great aunts, and gradparents who would send care packages of food to our house.  Or Angels in the guise of wonderful friends named Russ and Ginny.  Were it not for Russ, our family would have had many nights without heat.  He built a wood stove out of an old furnace for our fireplace, and that wood stove kept us kids warm on many a cold night.  My mother was also the Angel who got up all through the night to feed that furnace, so that we wouldn't feel the cold, she never once let on, how hard things were.  We were fed, clothed and happy.  My siblings and I never knew about all these Angels, we didn't even know we were poor. 

As Kerri and I sat at the Main Street Cafe, one of my favorite memories was of this same spot that we were eating at.  Our car had broken down right around the holidays, and my grandfather (another of our many Angels) loaned us his old red pick up truck, so that we could go to my other grandparents house for Christmas. There were 6 of us kids, my parents and a pick up truck.  How were we all going to get to Maynard for the Holiday?  Well, ...my mother and father, Kenny and Kristin all sat in the front of the truck, and Kevin, myself, Kerri and Keith all sat in the bed of the truck covered by tons of blankets, and a tarp covered the back of the truck bed.  Why the tarp?  Because this year it Snowed!! on Christmas Day.....and it Snowed a lot!!!  As we made out way from Bedford to Maynard, we ended up making a quick stop at the store on Main Street in Concord which is now the Main Street Cafe.  It was snowing so hard, and I can remember us kids poking our heads out from under the tarp....people must have thought my parents were crazy....but all I felt was Joy, it was Christmas Day, it was Snowing, and us kids were in the back of a truck under a tarp....a real adventure and a Christmas to remember for sure....there really was some joy in growing up poor!

The Looking Glass

If only our mirrors could talk.  We look into the looking glass and see only our reflection, but if we really looked close enough would it be possible to see our souls.  Would that we could see our true selves, the good the bad and the ugly.  We would be able to see the bad and ugly reflecting back at us, and we wouldn't be able to ignore it, we would have to face it head on, and work to make that reflection become clear again, so that we could turn the bad and ugly into the "good" part of ourselves..

When I look in the mirror these days, I see myself clearly, and I am at peace with my reflection, because I accept myself for who I am and I am okay with the good the bad and the ugly.  Those three parts of me are all blended together and somehow make me who I am, and I like to think that the good controls the other two parts, and comes out on top..

However, I have also been around long enough to know that sometimes despite our best efforts, we still see things as we want to see them.  So, I am careful to make sure that as I look upon my reflection, I also balance what I see against what feedback I get from others.

If we were all honest with our reflections and the feedback we get from others, then I believe the "Good" would continue to win out, and our souls would be at peace.  So when we looked into the looking glass...we would all be "Beautiful"

Kiss it and make it better

When a child is young and they fall and hurt themselves....a mother kisses the boo boo and makes it better.  Its a magical kiss, that somehow makes the pain go away, and makes the child smile again.

As the child gets older, the magic of those kisses somehow seems to fade.  Its not as easy to kiss away your child's pain, even though the mother wishes with all her heart, that she can somehow recreate that magic and make that child smile again.

As the child grows into adulthood, the child still falls down at times, and mothers instinct instantly sets in, and you wish with all your heart that your child was little again, and all you would have to do is kiss the boo boo away.

Well, the magic of the boo boo kisses may not be the same as your child grows up, but the love and protective instinct is always there, and though your child may not know it, we mothers are still giving you those magical kisses, even if they are only in our minds.  Our kisses are magical, because when you hurt, we hurt, when you cry, we cry, when you are sad, we are sad.  When you are happy, we feel joy, all these emotions that you are feeling we feel too.

We are connected because of our unconditional love for you.  From the first time we hold you in our arms, kiss your little fingers and toes, and breathe in the magic that is you, our mothers love and instinct kicks in, and the magic of those boo boo kisses begins.  We may not always be able to kiss it and make it better or make you smile again, but that's not for lack of trying, and even if you don't realize it, for as long as you live we will always be there if you ever need a mothers magical kiss to make you smile again. (LOVE)

Pay "Your Education Forward"

Today we went to Fenway Park for a Mass Celebrating 150 years of Boston College and Boston College High School.  Our daughter Mary was singing in the B.C. Chorale at the Mass., in front of over 20,000 people.  Before we went to this Mass, we went and saw our son Michael's band "The WonderMics perform on the Boston Common as the opening act for Boston's Freedom Rally, also in front of 20,000 people.  It was a day full of pride for us and also full of music. 

At the Mass, the priest who said the homily, spoke of a core principal of Catholicism.  Paraphrasing, that principle is," If you hold on to something and refuse to let it go, you are sure to lose it.  But if you give of it freely, trying to give all you have, then you will keep it forever."  He said that the Jesuits apply this principle to many things, but today's focus is education, as a result of celebrating B.C's Sesquicentennial (150 years).  He mentioned, that no amount of prestige, no amount of money, not who you know, what your title is or even "where"you got your education, is as important, as taking what you have learned and sharing it with others.  That is truly the gift of education....Pay it forward.

When I thought about this, I knew that my High School friend was sitting somewhere in the Fenway stands, and I realized that she (who is a B.C. graduate) shared her education freely with my own family.  She was working as a nurse, when I had my second child in 1986.  He was a scheduled C-section, and I asked her if she would be present at his birth.  She said yes and then proceeded to be present at births of our final four children.  So much so, that when we had our third child, I asked her to be his godmother.  He was born very sick and was given a 5% chance of living. Because she was there, she was present for his quick baptism shortly after he was born.  We are truly blessed for having her in our lives, and she took her nursing education and shared it with us. 

I used to feel like I was missing something, because I did not finish College.  But I realized today, that while I didn't have a formal degree to share, I had some learned experiences with Music, that I in turn shared with my children.  Today, I saw the returns of my giving my love of music to my children, in their performances.  I gave it freely, and I will keep the memories of my children's performances today forever. They were sharing their music with others, paying it forward.

Pay your education forward, be it a College education, or the Education of everyday life.  It is a gift to share, not to hold onto.

Fall

Recently my little sister asked me what happiness was.  I told her my happiness comes from the things I am most grateful for.   And one of the things that I am grateful for and brings me happiness is the New England Seasons.

Fall, makes me happy.   Its the crisp fresh smell of an Autumn morning.  The little bit of chill in the air that makes you want to wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket read a book and enjoy a nice cup of tea.
It's apple picking, pumpkins, and the colorful leaves that fall from the trees.  I love the smell of a fresh apple pie baking in the oven.  It tickles my senses and brings me a quiet sense of joy and appreciation for the wonderful season of Fall.

The gratitude and sense of happiness flows through this season, and lands on the holiday where families gather together to show their gratefulness (Thanksgiving).  A time of laughter, family and friends.  All these things bring make me happy.

Each season, each day, each hour, each minute....find the time to be grateful for at least one thing, and that gratefulness will multiply and bring you happiness.  This blog is dedicated to you, little sister, because, I am grateful for having you in my life, and I wish you the gift of Fall, and the gift of Happiness.

Life is Short

Life is short, but if we fill our lives with taking time to enjoy each and every moment of our lives, then the longness or shortness of life won't really matter.  It seems like only yesterday, that Donnie and I were taking our 17 year old daughter Danielle off to College.  I blinked and now last week we were taking our 17 year old youngest daughter Jane off to College.  I don't know where the time went,  but I do know, that in these last ten years between the two of them heading off to College, we saw three of our other children off  to College, and now they are all adults. 

Is life really short?  did ten years fly by?  I don't really think so, because Donnie and I have so many wonderful memories of these past 10 years ( or actually 27 years) of raising our children into the adults they are today, that time doesn't seem short necessarily, it seems to just keep moving forward. 

Donnie wrote on his fb page about the forward progression of life, and I think it is natural and normal to watch our children grow, and become adults, with thoughts and ideas of their own, and each one of them has a different path that they are following.  I don't feel old, I close my eyes and I can still see each of the kids first steps, first falls, first milestones....but now I see new first steps, first falls, and new milestones.  So how can life be short if these things are all still happening.  Forward Progression.....I plan on enjoying each and every moment moving forward in life.  I won't take it for granted, and I will appreciate my life for however long I live.  We only get to do this once, so whether its 50 or 100 years, my life won't be short because I am living it to the fullest.

The Circle of Life

Today Donnie and I took our five children, and Michael's girlfriend on our family vacation.  Ryan's wife Annie was home sick with a virus, and we missed her, but we were also glad that Ryan still joined us on our family vacation.  When I say vacation, it wasn't a vacation in the typical vacation fashion  It was one day spent at Six Flags amusement park in Agawam, MA.  A longer vacation was not doable this summer, and getting all the kids together is getting harder and harder.  So a one day, fun day vacation, was every bit as wonderful as a full weeks vacation.

We began our day, (as we have for many vacation days before) waiting for Michael to wake up and get moving.  We all took turns going downstairs to harass him into getting up, so that we could get on the road.   And as always, he took his sweet time....but once he's up and going, the party gets started! 

Over the years we have always taken our vacations by piling all the kids in the car and driving to a destination....sometimes it was Disney World, sometimes it was destinations that were closer to home.  But most all the times, they were car trips that have given us the most enjoyable memories, that Donnie and I cherish. 

From the time the kids were very young, these trips consisted of the children singing Broadway musicals the entire trip.  Jane and Mary knew every lyric to Les Mis, by the time they were able to speak.  Today wasn't any different....Danielle wanted to introduce the family to the Broadway musical "The Book of Mormon"  and we all enjoyed it very much.  The interesting thing about this, is that, even though our children were raised on Broadway musicals....they all grew up to have very different musical tastes.  Danielle still enjoys Broadway musicals to this day, but Michael is the lead singer in a Funk Rock group.  Ryan over the years has enjoyed Rap music and Country music.  Mary and Jane are both big Country music fans as well as contemporary pop music. 

What made today's one day vacation fun day, so special to me, was that, no matter what music they choose to enjoy...they choose to enjoy the music of each others company.  And when they all start singing together in the car, it is music to Donnie and my ears.  They are no longer children singing Broadway songs, but adults singing all kinds of music, but at least they are still singing....and they are still singing together.  At the end of the evening on our ride home from a great day at the Amusement park...one of the last songs that came on the radio was Lion King's , "The Circle of Life"  It seemed a fitting song, (coincidentally it ended up being a Broadway song) But the song itself was very fitting as we were celebrating our last day of the summer together before each of the children move on to continue in their Circle of Life.  Danielle will be head back to NYC to continue in her career and to finish the book she is writing.  Michael's band "The WonderMics" is taking the music scene on by storm.  Ryan and Annie will celebrate their 1 year Wedding Anniversary in October.  Mary will be heading into her junior year at Boston College as a nursing major.  And our baby girl Jane will be heading to Providence College in two days to begin her Freshman year majoring in business.  As for Donnie and me.....life will go on as usual, It's the Circle of Life.

1,2,3

When I was in High School, and I wanted to write a note to Donnie, and sign it by saying I love you, without my mother finding it and reading it, I would simply sign it, 1,2,3 Kelly.  My mother didn't really like that Donnie and I were dating, and so I knew that I secretly had to tell him I loved him, and this 1,2,3 seemed to be the best way.
We would end our phone calls by saying 1,2,3 and whenever we held hands we would squeeze each others hand three times to tell each other I love you.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the 1,2,3 means, and I am sure there are other people out there in the world that do this same thing.  For Donnie and me, it has become a special tradition, that we have passed on to our children.  When they were little and still to this day we used the words I love you with the kids, but they also always knew the quiet symbol of a 1,2,3 squeeze or tap.  We would all go to church and while saying the Lord's Prayer, the seven of us would hold hands and the squeezing would begin.  One squeeze, Two squeeze, Three squeeze.  It would begin at one end and continue back and forth amongst the seven of us the entire time we would be reciting the Our Father. 

Even now, if I am sitting next to one of the kids or alone with Donnie in a car, whenever I feel like quietly telling them I love them, I will squeeze their hand or tap them three times. This tradition has grown.  .

Yesterday, Donnie and I went to see our dear friends husband perform in an emotionally riveting, and beautiful, but sad story about love.  There are no words to describe how moving this play was.  Our friend and her husband are family to us, and we truly love them.  But what exemplifiied my love for my friends husband was a 1,2,3 tap on my shoulder.  We went to dinner after the show with old friends, and our dear friends, and at one point during the dinner conversation, I was talking about how it is possible to give emotional love and support to our five children, and how people have questioned the possibility of this.  As I was saying this, my friends husband leaned behind his wife and gently tapped me on the shoulder three times....I looked at him, my eyes welled up and I asked, "do you know what this means?"  he answered yes.  At that moment, Johnny ( I say his name now because I emotionally need to) solidified himself in my heart as my true brother and family member.  I've known his wife for over 27 years now, and she has always been a sister of my heart and member of my family.  They have been married almost two years now, and I love them so much, but yesterday, the bond was sealed for life....his 1,2,3 tap has cemented him in my heart for always.  How prophetic for after seeing a play about the power of love, we ended the day with the power of love.  1,2,3 Johnny, and 1,2,3 to your wife.  I love you both, you are "Famiglia", my family.  I am so happy to know you share our families secret message of 1,2,3. 

When Life hands you Lemons

I always thought that the saying "When Life hands you Lemons....you make Lemonade" was a little cheeky, but as I sit here writing my blog today (which I haven't written in a long while) I can actually feel what the saying means.

As a person who has suffered with depression, a good part of her life, and still battles the affliction.  Every morning to get up and face the day is a challenge. But I don't let the depression win.  I wake up,  I look my depression in the face and say....back off!! because today is MY day and you can't have me!  It's not always easy to say this to myself, but I welcome the challenge, and because of this, any Lemons life chooses to throw my way, are definitely going to be turned into the biggest darned pitcher of Lemonade that life has ever seen.

I just finished a 3 1/2 week job for Home Goods, where I had to get up at 6a.m. every morning and work over 10 hour days of back breaking and exhausting work.  But I did it!, and I did it with a smile on my face, a positive attitude, and an openness to meet the challenge of this job head on.  The end result was...an AMAZING photo shoot, and a sense of pride that I helped make this job go so smoothly.  I only mention this, because, the old me, would have turned down this big job, and tried to sleep in late every morning and let the depression win.

I  had some disappointing news this past week, as well, and instead of wallowing in despair or succumbing to my battle, I choose to find only the positive in this news, and see it as another challenge to overcome.

One of my dearest Uncles has been in the hospital for over a month now, and is fighting to heal his body....when I visited with him, he had nothing but a big smile on his face and the will to get better. Seeing him and knowing that he is working so hard to get well, reminds me, that we all have challenges to face, and its what we do with those challenges that determines our fate in life.

Whether its an illness of body or of mind, we all have the power within us to take these "Lemons, and make Lemonade"   May you all have a pitcher close by, so that you are always ready to squeeze those Lemons that life throws your way, and your cup will always be overflowing.

Another Opening Another Show

Another Opening, Another Show.  I am grateful to my daughter Danielle for guiding me back into the world of performing.   About  5 years ago, Danielle signed me up for a group called Basically Broadway, and encouraged me to start singing again.  Then two years  later she encouraged me to audition for The Reagle Music Theatre's summer shows.  And now here I am today enjoying my summer by performing in my fourth Reagle Music Theatre show, Bye Bye, Birdie.   I'm having a blast.

When I was 18 and fresh out of High School, I went off to College thinking that I was one day going to be on Broadway.  But like I tell my children all the time....life has many forks in the road and sometimes you don't always end up going down the path you set out to go down.  I went to one semester of College, got a lead in the Musical Grease, and had a great experience.  But I wasn't a great student, and I knew College wasn't right for me.  I was also very much in love with my now husband Donnie, so I dropped out of College, and we were married a year and a half later, and then six months after we were married, I got pregnant with Danielle.  In the next ten years I had four more children, and I loved being a wife and mother.   I never look back with regrets. I wouldn't change the path I ended up choosing for the world.   I may not have made it to Broadway, but I shared my love of theater and music with my children, and for over 26 years now (Danielle opened her first recital at the age of 2), I have enjoyed watching my children perform in many musical productions.  Danielle actually chose to follow the fork in the road that led her to New York to pursue her dream of Broadway.  Is she on Broadway yet?  No, but whose to say if that ends up being her true path in life....only time will tell.

Life is a series of Another Openings, and Another Shows, and they are not all theater related.  When I am surrounded by my children, and I see them all laughing and enjoying each others company, well that to me is a show worth watching.  When we drive to my sisters house for Easter all crammed into one car belting out the songs from our Godspell CD, that is a a show worth watching to me. I wish for my children many new Openings/Shows, may their forks in the road lead them down  the path of Joy and Happiness, and that they live their lives with no regrets.

I am no longer 18 years old, and the roles for me to play are of a different nature, but I am back up on that stage pursuing my individual thrill of performing.  For years, my kids were a great source of my joy and happiness and now that we all are older, we are all following our own dreams.  Mine have me back up on stage where I also love to be.  Thanks family for so many years and memories and thanks Danielle for pointing me back in the direction of performing, at this stage of my life.

Independance Day

This week, my husband and I will be taking our youngest daughter and her boyfriend to the airport to see them off on a 18 day trip around Europe.  If you asked me 28 years ago when I was expecting my first child if I ever thought I would let one of my children travel to Europe at 17 years old with her boyfriend....my answer would have been a resounding "Heck NO!"

After going through all the High School Years with my five children, I have seen and learned a lot!  I have learned that children don't always tell the truth...(Surprise?!...Not!), that children make mistakes,and many more things, but mostly,  that children need to live and learn.  I have done what all the good parenting books say to do (even though I have never even read a parenting book).  I have "Talked" to my children.  There has been no subject, that I have ever not talked about with my children, and even with their friends.  We've talked about drugs and alcohol, sex, STD's, responsibility, moral issues, religion, and you name it we've talked about it.  My kitchen table has seen probably every subject the books tell you to talk to your children about.

What I learned from talking to my children over the years, is that as parents we lay the foundation....we teach them right from wrong, and as my Uncle Bobby used to say (by the way he was Chief of Police in our City for many years) , "You raise them until about Junior High, and then you just PRAY"  He was right.  We are given our children to us on loan from God, and then one day, you turn around and they are grown, and they are independent thinkers.  If we have done our job right, and the foundation is clear, then hopefully they will make it through their teen years safe and sound.  That doesn't mean they won't make mistakes and do things that we may not approve of, but I believe that if they at least have a solid foundation, then they will turn out just fine. 

That is why I am okay with my youngest daughter heading off to Europe at 17.  She has seen her 4 siblings before her, make mistakes, and falter through the years, but now they are all adults, and she sees that they are all still firmly planted on  solid foundations, and they are all doing well.  She too, has faulted from time to time, but in my heart I know her foundation is strong, and that Europe and College in the fall, are just the beginning of her journey into adulthood.  I trust her, I love her, and so this year on July 5, a day after the 4th of July our Independence Day.....I will see her off at the airport for a trip of a lifetime, and know that this trip is in a way, Jane's own personal Independence Day....one of of many more to come.

Today's blog brought to you by my husband of 29 years

Those of you who know me, know that Kelly has had to put up with an 'engineer' for over thirty years now (29 married today).  So, she has had to deal with a life time of solutions and odd questions about astronomy and crazy formulas to figure out how quickly the tub will drain, etc.  You get the point.  But, today we were talking about our relationship, our children, and how we deal with things. 
I suggested that we compliment each other.  I looked up the defintion for complimentary angles, and it says two angles added together to make a 90 degree angle.  That is not us, we compliment each other to move in the same direction, not apart at 90 degrees.  I think this has been one of the secrets of our sucess.  Our individual strengths are in different areas so, where I have weakness, Kelly has strength, and where Kelly has weakness, I have strenghth.   The result is that the road never gets too bumpy.
I can honestly say, that after thirty years, we have had our fair share of 'tests'.  But, because of the way we compliment each other, we take turns pulling the other through the hard parts.  We stop to celebrate and enjoy the good times.  And we have confidence in our plan, but even more confidence in our ability to deal with 'what is' as we work toward seeing our plan get realized.  I look forward to continuing to try to figure out this crazy world with the girl of my dreams by my side.  Talk to you next time I take the computer away from Kelly.  Happy 29th Anniversary to my wife. I love you,    Donnie

   

A True Gentleman

I was looking at facebook this morning and came upon pictures of one of my old high school boyfriends with his family.  For years I have always wanted to write him, and tell him how much he impacted my life.

I started dating him the Spring of my Freshman year of High School.  He was a Senior.  I was a very naive and immature freshman, who loved the attention from the upperclassman.  I can still remember one of our first dates, he brought me lilacs wrapped in tin foil, and we went to see Donna Summer in the movie "Thank God its Friday"  On the drive home he asked me if I would like to go watch the submarine races with him....an in my naitivity, I said, "Sure where are they? and what are they?"  he kind of shrugged it off, and said never mind and drove me home.  The poor guy didn't even get a kiss goodnight.  I was so young and innocent, and I had never kissed a boy before, so I didn't know what was expected of me.

We continued to go on dates, and I'm not sure we ever even held hands.  At 15, I think the term they would use for me back then would have been "Tease", but I didn't even know what that meant.  I had a nice figure, and I was a huge flirt, but I had no idea what being a "tease" really meant.  What I do know is that in this Seniors infinite wisdom, he saw beyond all that, and always treated me with the utmost respect and dignity.  We dated on and off for about 2 years, and in all that time, we never did go to "The Submarine Races".  We spent alot of time just watching movies, and talking, and writing letters when he went off to College.  In those letters I would write that I loved him, but even back then, I was so naive, I didn't really know what love was. 

What I did love, and now know, understand and appreciate, is that this man of 18 was my first real High School relationship, and he was a" True Gentleman."  He could have taken advantage of my naitivity, he could have been more aggressive, and pushed the boundries, but he didn't, and because of him, I learned so much about what I wanted from a relationship.

In my Junior year of High School, I met my then boyfriend (now husband), When we began dating, we only held hands at first, and I remember being so nervous for our first kiss.  I learned alot from the "Senior" and that was that I should never do anything until I was ready.....so when I kissed my boyfriend my Junior year in High School...I was ready for that kiss.  My boyfriend (now husband Donnie) and I talked about everything, and he too was a real "Gentleman" and never pushed the boundries. We took things slow, and I never felt any pressure to do anything I wasn't ready for.

I was a truly lucky teenager, to have had two true gentlemen in my life.  When my daughters and sons were old enough, and getting into their teenage years, I would share with them the story of my first real High School relationship with a Senior boy, and how much he respected me.  I would also share with them the story of how their Dad and I came to be, and how much their Dad respected me.  I think it is because of my first relationship, that my relationship with my now husband is what it is today.   I learned at the young age of 15, that I was worth respecting, and when Donnie and I started dating at 16, that sense of self respect stayed with me.   

 Respect is a hard thing to find in this day and age, but I know that my 24 year old son is a respectful and True Gentleman to his wife, my 25 year old son is a respectful and True Gentleman to his girlfriend of 8 years, and I wish for my daughters to all find love and respect with their own future True Gentlemen.

In ending, though he may never read this.....I am grateful to you (my Senior boyfriend) for how you treated me  a young and naive 15 year old with kindess and respect.  I can see by the pictures you post, that you are happy and have a great family today.  They are truly lucky to have you....a True Gentleman.

Pot to Pi** In

This past weekend, My husband and I attended the wedding of our daughter Danielle's Kindergarten best friend.  It was a beautiful wedding, and I couldn't help tearing up as I watched this girl I have known since she was 5 years old marry her college sweetheart (who by the way was also my daughters 9th grade crush). 

I talked to many people in the course of the evening, the wedding had over 300 guests and it was like a Newton reunion of sorts.  Two of the conversations I had stayed with me.

One of the conversations I had was with one of  Danielle's college roommates boyfriends.  We were talking about love and relationships in the church while waiting for the wedding to begin, and he said, that there was no real right or wrong time or age for when people fall in love.  We talked about how, my husband and I were High School sweethearts, and how my son at 23 married his high school girlfriend, and that when the right one came along, then that was the "right" time.  He spoke lovingly about loving his girlfriend, and for them, I hope that their "right" time is now.  They are adorable together.

The other conversation and it pertains to title of my blogpost today, was with a girl that went to elementary school with Danielle.  I taught her religious education when they were in high school.  She got married only last month, and when I saw her at the wedding she said, that she never forgot something I said when I was teaching her religious ed.  I told my students that Donnie and I didn't have a "Pot to Piss In", but what we had was Love!  She said she has never forgotten that, and that she remembered it right up to when she married her husband.  I told her at the wedding, that after 29 years of marriage, Donnie and I still don't have a "Pot........", but we still have an abundance of Love, and as I hugged her, I wished for her and her husband to always have an abundance of Love.

I don't think that money makes a marriage.  Danielle's kindergarten friend and her new husband have started their marriage already owning a home, and they both have great jobs. My son and his wife are living with her parents to save money, so that he can get his Masters in the fall.  My cousins son who got married last year after only knowing his wife for six months are expecting their first child and live in army housing. Couples today are getting married with huge college loans, many couples start their married lives off in various stages of financial circumstances.  None of these financial things are what truly matter.  What truly matters is the Love, and who is to judge which couple is doing it right?  If the Love is real, and the relationship is strong, then the couple is truly blessed in abundance.  There is no dollar sign to the gift of an abundance of Love.

I may still not have that "Pot....." but I am rich beyond measure, and I wish for all newly wed couples, that they too find their abundance of Love so that they too, can be rich beyond measure.

Commencement

Commencement means to begin.  As our youngest daughter graduates from High School, she gets ready to begin a new and exciting adventure as she enters College in the Fall.

Me and Donnie get to celebrate Commencement as well.  We will begin the new phase of our life now that all of our children are out of High School and moving forward into their adult life adventures.

What does all this mean?  I have no clue, because life is a succession of commencements.  Birth marks the commencement of life, Kindergarten marks the commencement of Elementary school, and then their is the commencement of Middle School and High School.  These beginnings lead towards College, First jobs, Marriages, Children, Grandchildren, and so goes the Commencement of the Circle of Life.

So as Janie commences the next stage of her life, I look forward to whatever new commencements (beginnings) lie ahead for me and Donnie.

The Last Prom?

Last night we watched our fifth child get ready and go to her Senior Prom.  She looked beautiful, but then again, I'm her mother and I am biased.  All five of my children looked beautiful on their prom days, and between the five of them, they went to a total of 10 proms, 5 junior proms and 5 senior proms. 

It seems like only yesterday, that I went to my junior and senior proms with their father.  I can close my eyes, and still see Donnie in his white tux and peach ruffled shirt to match my peach prom dress for our junior prom as we took pictures by my parents lilac tree.  For our senior prom he wore a black tux with pink to match my pink princess prom gown.  (On a side note, I totally hated my hair for senior prom, who ever thought a big bun on top of your head was pretty.....it was awful....but Donnie still thought I looked beautiful, and that is all that really matters ). I think every boy and girl looks beautiful on prom night.

I thought I would cry last night, as I watched my baby getting ready for her prom, with her two older sisters there to support her, but the tears didn't come.  I kept thinking....this is the last prom for my children, shouldn't I be sad.  I wasn't sad, I was filled with love and joy, because I know that this isn't the last prom.  Donnie's 100 year old grandmother was there to see Jane off to her prom last night, and she has seen her two daughters proms, her 9 grandchildrens many proms, and including Jane, she has now seen 16 of her 21 great grandchildrens proms.  I wonder if she ever thought she saw the last prom when her baby (my mother-in-law, who by the way went to both her proms with my father-in-law) went to her senior prom.  Well if she did think that, we now know that that is not true.  In the circle of life, the proms never end.  I hope to see many more proms, as I someday become a grandmother, and with gods blessings, maybe a great grandmother too! 

I am so grateful and blessed to have Donnie's grandmother in my life and in my childrens lives, she reminds me that there are no last proms....only many more first proms to come.

WOW

Today I went to the funeral for the father of a dear friend of mine.  He was 92 years old and passed away only 8 months after his wife had passed.  At the temple his three children spoke in a tribute to their father.  All three shared beautiful stories, but it was the younger sons tribute that really hit me.  He said that when most people think of death, the first thing  they think of is WHY?, but when he thinks of his fathers passing only 8 months after his mother, all he could think was WOW.  He felt that his parents had lived their lives so fully, and there wasn't any what ifs, or why didn't they do this or that.  He said their lives were complete.  I also think the WOW of this, is that he passed so shortly after losing the love of his life, so in living and in dying their lives were still complete.  What a true blessing. 

I know my dear friend will miss her father terribly, just as she misses her mother, and I hope she finds comfort in knowing that they are together for eternity.  I've only known my friend for a couple of years, but in knowing her, I think she and her husband , have that same WOW factor in their own marriage, they had great role models in her parents.

I always feel that my life is complete and full with my husband, and after today, I will always think of the word WOW in a different light, and I will strive to live the rest of my life with my husband in a constant state of WOW.  May my friend's parents be an inspiration to generations to come,  God Bless and Keep them.  WOW!

Bittersweet

As I sit here writing this, I am looking down at my youngest daughter Jane, who is about to graduate from High School in one week.  It is so surreal to me, that in one week, the last of the Naugler Children will walk out of the Newton School system.  We have had children attending Newton Schools for the last 23 years.  It's been quite a ride.

Each one of our children experienced High School in a different way.  Danielle our oldest was a go getter and over achiever and took to High School, like a fish to water, she thrived there, winning the Senior Cup for excellence and leadership at her graduation.  Michael's experience began well, he had amazing talent, and he was a rising star in the music and theater department, but life threw him a curve ball his junior year, and his Senior year, didn't go as smoothly.  He graduated, inspite of what we considered some mishandling of events by the school system..  I am happy to say today with high school long behind him, his music career is rising, and I believe he will make his mark in the music world.  Ryan sailed through High School, with good grades, because he was a hard worker, and a really great kid.  He sometimes found it hard to be the middle Naugler, because unlike Danielle, Michael, Mary and Jane, Ryan did not do theater or music, but truth be told he didn't have to do those things because he was his own person, and the man and husband he is today, is a testimonial as to what a great kid and now man he has become.  Mary began her High School years doing theater, and then by the end of her junior year, and after singing the National Anthem at so many sporting events, she decided to try out for Cheerleading.  She spent her Senior year as a cheerleader, and had a really diverse and well rounded High School experience.

Now last but not least,  Janie.  Jane spent most of her four years in High School sick.  She had a serious bout of Mono, that kept her out of school almost 6 weeks of her Sophomore year, and yet, she worked hard and ended up that year still getting mostly A's.  Junior year she was sick again, a Mono relapse.  Her four years of high school were not the easiest health wise, but friend wise, she was truly blessed and has a really wonderful group of friends, that have stuck with her through all her health ups and downs. All in all I'd say she has had a pretty good run at Newton North High School, and since she got her tonsils out last year, her health has been improving, and our hope is that it continues to stay on this track through her next 4 years of college.

This weekend, we will go to her last Jubilee Gospel concert, and I can feel my tears starting already.  Monday is her Senior Prom, and Wednesday she will graduate.  I have watched all of my children as they played their sports, sang their songs, acted in plays, cheered their teams, dressed in their gowns and tuxes, and now I will experience these things for the last time.  It is Bittersweet. 

I have loved every moment of all of their lives, and now I look forward to the new moments that await.  High School years are over for our children, but life for Jane is just beginning.  She is still a teenager, but in the blink of an eye, she will join her siblings in adulthood, and if her siblings are any indication  as to what kind of an adult Jane will grow to be, then I will be truly blessed.  Those four adult siblings and their father and I  will a be there on Wednesday at Jane's graduation, and I can guarantee you this....I will not be the only one feeling the bittersweet memories, and, I definitely won't be the only one crying!

Sometimes we get it right....

About a week ago, our youngest daughter poked her head into our bedroom to say goodnight.  She also said thank you.  She thanked Donnie and I for loving each other, and for being good parents. 

Sometimes when your children are growing up, you wonder if you are doing the right thing by them.   Parenthood is a gift. If you are blessed enough to have children, then we believe that it is our responsibility to put the needs of .our children before our own. 

Our daughter was thanking us for always being there for her, and for making her feel loved....unconditionally.  The thing that made this thank you so special, is that she had been grounded the week before, and even though she was still grounded for making a bad choice....she saw through the punishment to the unconditional love we have for her.

Looks like we got it right this time.

Our President is right...Love is Love

When I was 19 years old and engaged to be married, my future sister-in-law came out to her parents.  In my youth, my naivety, and ignorance, I did not accept or understand what her being gay meant.  I was young, virginal, and just learning about my own sexuality, and the concept of someone being gay was foreign to me.  For many years after I got married, I still struggled to understand, and in my misunderstanding, people that I love were hurt.

As I began to mature, and have children of my own, I learned that homosexuality, is no different than heterosexuality.  You love who you love.  My children had friends who came out at my kitchen table, they never felt alienated in our home.  I learned acceptance, and that everyone should be free to love the person of their choosing, no matter what gender.  If a child of mine ever came out to me, I would embrace them with love and acceptance, and wish them happiness.

Now over 25 years later, I have the best in-laws.  My sister-in-law is married to a wonderful woman, whom I love as a sister as well.  They have a beautiful blended family.  My brother-in-law is married to a wonderful man whom I love as another brother.  I am proud to call them my family, and I am even prouder that, they live in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, where their marriages are recognized as legal and binding.  Our president is right....Love is Love

Mothers Day

With Mothers Day approaching, I want to thank my mother for my life.  I want to thank my husband for making it possible for me to be a mother.  I want to thank my children for being my children, and for loving me...their mother, ma, mom, mummy, muma, mum.  I am a mother, and  I am truly blessed for having so many mothers in my life.  My grandmothers, my godmother, my aunts, my sisters, my girlfriends.  We are all mothers, whether we give life or share our lives with others.

To me the definition of a mother, is someone who loves unconditionally, and gives of oneself unselfishly.  So whether a woman has given birth to a child, adopted a child, cared for a child that was not theirs, cared for an aging parent or relative who has become childlike, or loved anyone who needed unconditional love, then to me these woman are what I call the definition of a mother.

So for my friends with children, Happy Mothers Day.  For my friends who are mothering their parents or relatives who are like children themselves, Happy Mothers Day.  For all women who love someone unconditionally, unselfishly, with kindness and compassion, Happy Mothers Day. 

Mothers Day is a Day to celebrate and remember where we came from, and who we are as women.

Happy Mothers Day to all the women in my life.  I celebrate and love you all.

Here's to good friends.....

Here's to good friends, yesterday was kind of special....Our day began at 8 a.m. as we drove to Huntington Station Long Island for the Bridal shower of our daughter Danielle's college roommate Michelle.  The best part of the shower was in knowing that Michelle was going to be marrying my cousin Jon.  Their love story began 4 years ago at my 25th Wedding anniversary party.  I really wanted Michelle to meet my cousin Jon, and at our party, my sister Kristin, pushed Jon and Michelle together on the dance floor, and they have been dancing ever since.  I can't wait to dance at their wedding.  As  quoted by Danielle before in one of my blogs "I love LOVE" 

The best part of Jon and Michelle's union, is that Jon is the son of two of my favorite people in the world Auntie Brenda and Uncle Bobby.  And Michelle (even though she was Danielle's roommate first) is the daughter of our good friends Jim and Marianne.  We became good friends with Michelle's parents the summer of Danielle's freshman year at B.C. and I could not be happier to see both my friends and my family become even more connected.  I am so grateful.

After the shower while still in Huntington, Donnie and I went to visit and go out to dinner with our friends John and Sally and their neighbors Rich and Susan.  How could we not visit with John and Sally, when we just happened to be in the same town on Long Island.  Donnie met John many years ago at a start up company they both worked for.  I knew from the first time I met John, that he would not just be a good friend to Donnie, but he has become like a brother as well.

In many of my blogs I talk about the people and the friends I am grateful for.  John and Sally, and now their friends Rich and Susan have become a part of the people I am grateful for and hold so dear.  Last night at dinner was a reminder of why they are so special.  We had such a great time. Good friends, good food, great conversation, and so much laughter. Who could ask for more.  Here's to good friends, yesterday was "very" special.

The many faces of.....

Mental Illness.  It comes in the guise of many different faces.  The face of Depression, Alcoholism, OCD, ADHD,Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders, and so many more faces.  So many people hide these faces behind masks.  Masks of shame.

Well I for one, have taken my mask off.  I have said before in an earlier blog, that I suffer from Depression.  I am not ashamed of this.  I live with it, and I have gotten help for it.  Help is out there, for those who suffer with the many faces of Mental Illness, and the key is to take off the mask, own up to your illness, talk about it, and seek help for it.

If more people would show their true face, and talk openly about their diagnosis, then the people out there still hiding behind their masks, wouldn't feel so alone, and they too, could cast off their masks, and get the help they need.

I do not, and I am not suggesting that you declare your mental illness the first time you meet somebody.  However, all of us who suffer with the faces of mental illness, know that there is a time, where we choose whether to tell the truth or hide behind our mask.  In my case, the truth has been much more liberating, and I wish for those of you who suffer, to find the comfort to be able to tell the truth.  Perhaps, just hearing one person tell their story, will help those out there still hiding, to seek the help that is out there.

Our Kitchen Table

Yesterday, I had my tea leaves read.  In the tea cup there was an unmistakable,very large question mark. "?"  This was amazing, because right now in my life, Donnie and I are living with a very big question mark hanging over our heads.  Sell our house and move, or stay .

When I really think about moving or staying, I realize that there is only one material possession, that I would take, and that that piece of furniture holds the bulk of my sentimentality, MY KITCHEN TABLE. 

When Danielle was growing up, our kitchen table was a place where her friends would come and sit, while she baked chocolate chip cookies, and I talked to them about love and life.  Its where Michael and Ryan's friends would eat us out of house and home, and burp, and fart, and laugh, and share their many stories.  Its where we decorated countless Christmas cookies, Easter Eggs, and Carved Pumpkins.  We ate our family dinners at the kitchen table, and our dinners were always loud, and boisterous, but filled with conversations, life's lessons, familial bonding, and lots of love.   When we moved to the house we live in now, I wanted to buy an even bigger kitchen table, because I knew as our kids grew older, the friends of all five of them would begin to fill the seats at our kitchen table, and there would be even more stories to tell and laughter to share.    Mary and Jane's friends would sit around this table and continue the traditions of Danielle, Mike and Ryan's friends, before them.  They would bake cookies, eat us out of house and home and Donnie and I would be lucky enough to hear their laughter, share in many of their stories, and tell them our stories as well.  All these things are priceless, and no matter where we end up, the one thing that we will always share is "THE KITCHEN TABLE"

"Happier When"

Today I went to a fundraiser started by my sister Kerri called Tea for the Troops.  It is a fundraiser for our Wounded Warriors. Our brave military men and women who fight to keep our country free, and who come back wounded and need our support.  We owe them so much for fighting to keep our country safe, and this fundraiser is just one way to help show our support.

At this tea, my sisters dear friend Alexandra Stoddard (interior designer and famous author) was the guest speaker.  In her speech today, she spoke a lot about being positive, and finding happiness in our lives.  One of the things she said today, really struck me, and it inspired me to write this blog.

She said to stop saying "I'll be Happier When....." and to just be happy.  I thought about this and finished the sentence in different ways.  "I'll be happier when...I have more money,  I'll be happier when....I lose some weight, I'll be happier when....all my children are settled, I'll be happier when, when, when, when.....There are so many ways to finish this sentence.  Yet if we stop trying to finish this sentence and just live our lives and be grateful for the positive things in our lives instead of dwelling on the negative,  we won't have to worry about "when" we are happier, we can just be "Happy" and live each day to the fullest.

"You Complete Me"

I was sitting here thinking of my blog, "Even though we ain't got money", and my recurrent theme of gratefulness, and my heart filled with so much love and appreciation for the man I married.  As I watch my youngest son, begin his journey into the early months of marriage, I reminisce about my first months of marriage. 

Donnie and I were 20 years old and we just wanted to spend all our time together.  We faced our share of ups and downs in the first months, and in the years that followed, but never once did my love for my best friend and husband waiver.  He has seen me at my best and at my worst, at my highest and my lowest, and he has loved me through it all. When we were raising our children, He was good cop to my bad cop, or vice a versa, we agreed to disagree on certain parenting methods, but always parented with love.  We have been through a lot these past 29 years, and will continue to go through alot.

Donnie said this weekend, that life is a Marathon. With each mile marker, you may face a new hurdle, but its how you face those hurdles at each mile marker and finishing the race that matters the most.  And like Tom Cruise says in the movie Jerry Maguire  "You Complete Me"....I want to finish this Marathon Race called life with you, Donnie Naugler, because "You Complete Me" and I am so grateful for you and for your love.  Lets keep on running this road race of life together....1,2,3

Big Fish in a Big Pond

Many years ago, Donnie and I had considered moving back to our home town of Bedford.  Our kids were growing up in Newton, but we had a chance to maybe move, and we talked to the kids about it.  Danielle would be heading into High School,  and we told her if we moved, she could be a Big Fish in a Little Pond.  She gave this some thought and stated emphatically, that she wanted to be a Big Fish in a Big Pond. We stayed in Newton.

And so, she proceeded to be that "Big Fish".  She graduated from Newton North High School, winning the Senior Cup, for outstanding senior girl, she got into the college of her choice Boston College,  and after graduating from college she moved to the Big Apple and is swimming in the big pond that is NYC.

Yesterday, Marathon Monday in Boston Mass, Danielle proved that she is still a Big Fish in a Big Pond. Along with over 22,000 people, she completed running the Boston Marathon in over 90 degree weather.  Donnie and I were there 100 feet from the finish line, she saw us, threw us kisses, told us she loved us, and sprinted with everything she had left to the finish line.

We are so proud of our Big Fish, and may she continue to challenge herself, and swim in the Big Ponds.  If you believe it, you can achieve it!

From BC to PC

Almost 10 years ago in the month of April, Donnie and I had just finished taking Danielle to NYU for the fifth time, trying to decide if this college was the right fit for her.  After spending the day at NYU, she finally decided, that she did not want to go to NYU.  Her choice was made, and she would be a Freshman at Boston College in the Fall of 2002.  She was the first of our children to leave the nest for college, and she made the right decision, because she had a fantastic four years at BC.

This past week, Donnie and I took Janie, our youngest of five, to Wagner College in NY, and after spending the day there, she decided that Wagner was not the right choice for her.  Today we took her to the college of her choice, so in the Fall of 2012, Jane will be a Freshman at Providence College.

From BC to PC, it has been a long journey.  Danielle went to Boston College where she fit right in and felt right at home.  Michael went to B.C. for a year and to UMASS for a year, and neither school was the right fit for him, he decided that college wasn't his path at that point in his life, and is pursuing his music career.  Ryan started out at Stonehill College, but transferred his sophomore year to Fr. Woods night school at Boston College, and it is there that he found his right fit.  Mary went to UMASS for a year as a nursing major, but did not feel it was the right place for her.  She worked very hard and transferred into Boston College school of Nursing for her sophomore year....she loves BC and it is definitely the right fit for her.

Jane had no intentions of applying to Boston College.  She wanted to follow her own path, and today as we toured Providence College for accepted students day, I felt it...Jane's right fit was this college.  She is her own person, and as soon as we stepped on the campus grounds, both Donnie and I knew in our hearts that this is where she belonged.

From BC to PC,  these last 10 years, have been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Each of our children had to find the right fit for them, whether it was the right college or the right career choice.  I cried on Danielle's first day of college, and I have cried on each of the other children's first day of college.  Today, without letting Jane see, I held in my tears, because this fall will be the last first day of college for our children, and it is hard for me to believe that my baby girl will be going to her first day of Providence College in September of 2012. 

Ten years, and I could not be prouder of each and everyone of my children.  May they continue to find their right "fit" in whatever they choose to do in life.  BC to PC, 10 years, it's been a great ride.  I know this fall I will definitely be crying on Jane's first day, but the tears will be of joy and a whole lot of pride..

Cruising through Calvary

Several times a week I find myself driving through Calvary Cemetary.   Many generations of my family members on both my mother and fathers side are buried there.  Both sets of my grandparents are there, and often I drive by their gravesites, and find myself talking out loud to them.  I wish them Happy Holidays, I wish them peace, and I reminise with them about my memories of them.  When I am having issues with my children, I go there and ask them, how they ever mangaged raising their kids.  They never answer me, but I find a sense of solace, in just knowing that they too raised their families and faced lifes ups and downs like we all do.

I drive all through the cemetary, and when I am feeling stressed out or overwhelmed by life, I find myself comforted in knowing that all these people buried here, have a story to tell.  They all knew some sort of joy and some sort of sorrow at one time in their lives.  I think of my great Aunt Sophie who is buried in this cemetary.  She lost a son at the age of 8, she had a daughter born with cerebral palsey, she had a husband who lost a limb in a work accident, and she lost a son at the age of 42.  All these things happened to her, and yet whenever I visited with her, she would be baking or regaling me with family stories with laughter and a twinkle in her eyes.  She knew sorrow and she knew joy in her lifetime, and died in her 90's.  I think of my great Aunt Mesa, her mother died when she was a teen, and she ended up raising my grandmother Rose.  It could not have been easy to have lost your mother and then to become a second mother to your own sister.  But when I think of Aunt Mesa, she too knew joy and sorrow, and yet when I would visit with her, she never said woe is me, she would tell me stories of her childhood and that of her siblings, and I would end up laughing at the stories she would tell. She is buried in Calvary as well.  So many of my family members, so many strangers, and they all have stories.

Many of these people woke up each day, went to work and experienced life....the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But they all lived.  For the babies who are buried at Calvary, I find a kind of peace in knowing that God needed angels, and those babies are all angels in heaven watching over us.  Not everyone believes these things, but I'm not asking anyone to share my beliefs, I just know that I find comfort in knowing that when I am cruising through Calvary, I am not alone.  I am surrounded by angels, and family members who watch over me and my family from heaven.  And when I am having a particularly bad day, I cruise through Calvary and remember to cherish each day, as my story continues to be written..

Elementary School Friendships

When your children grow old enough to go to Elementary school, it is a time when friendships amongst parents are formed.  Your son or daughter meets new friends, and you and their parents become friends too.  But are all these friendships true friendships, and do they all last?

It does seem to happen in a lot of cases though.  You have play dates for your children and their new friend or friends, and often it ends up being a time for the parents to get to know each other over a cup of coffee or something.  You and that new parent seem to have alot in common, and the main thing in common is the budding friendship between your children.  As your children's friendship grows, many times the adults friendships grow as well.

Lets face it you do see a lot of each other at school functions, at the playground, at soccer, baseball or other sporting events.  But is your child's friendship with their child, enough to base a true friendship on, and as those children grow up and go their separate ways (or maybe even stop being friends) does this mean the adult friendship should end too?

I met alot of parents that I thought were my friends, when my children were young, but as it turns out, we didn't have as much in common as I thought, and some of the friendships didn't last.  I do have a best friend that I met through my oldest daughters Elementary school years.  She had a son the same age as my daughter, and I thinks we have such a great friendship today because there was never any competition between our children, probably because they were opposite sexes.  I am grateful for this friendship, and for my friend Lori.

Today I blog because sometimes, many years later you can rekindle a friendship from your children's Elementary school years, with someone who you didn't really get a chance to get to know better when your kids were young.  You may have been friendly with that person, and generally liked that person, but due to outside influences, the friendship never got to grow.  Today I went for a walk with just such a woman. We realized how much we had in common, and how much alike our home lives were.  We got along like we have been friends for a lifetime, and to be honest with you....at 49 years old, I think she and I will be better friends than we would have been in our 20's, because, there are no outside influences keeping us from knowing each other better, our children are grown, there is no competition, and we are two strong, healthy and happy women secure in who we are,  we have our own minds and can decide who we want to be friends without other people swaying us one way or another.

As said in one of my earlier blogs, I suffer from depression, and what I've learned from dealing with this malady, is that I need to surround myself with positive people.  I don't need to be friends with anyone who is negative energy, and I need friends in my life, that I can be myself with.  Friends that I can be open and honest with, and not worry about being judged.  So to my friend who I went walking with today, (you know who you are)  thank you for calling and asking me to go for a walk today, and thank you for your honesty, and allowing me to be honest as well.  Its a great foundation to a friendship, and I look forward to furthering our Elementary School Friendship, almost 20 years later.  It is never to late to build positive friendships.

"New Life"

Tomorrow my family will celebrate Easter.  A time for "New Life".  6 years ago on the Eve before Easter, my son was canoeing on the Charles River when his canoe tipped over.  It was dark by the time he and his friends were canoeing home, and he ended up somehow swimming under the light of the moon, to the edge of the Charles and finding his way to an assisted living residence..  At the residence, he asked to use the phone, and called us for a ride home.

The other interesting thing about that time, was that two weeks prior to this Easter, the people at my grandmothers nursing home told us to prepare for her passing. But my Nana rallied, and that Easter we were able to go to Mass with her.

By the grace of God, my son was a strong swimmer and made it safely to the land.  Also by the grace of God my family was able to spend one more Easter with my Nana.  The miracle of Easter and New Life, was that my son did not drown, that Easter eve, and we were given extra time with my grandmother.

Over two weeks later, after that Easter, my Nana did pass away. I think things happened that Easter for a reason.  In retrospect, I see that these incidents were a reminder to cherish our life, and to be grateful for the time we get to spend with our loved ones.  Everyday is a gift, a gift of "New Life" one we should never take for granted.

"I love Love"

Tonight my daughter Danielle and I went to the Bridal shower of her Kindergarten best friend.  Danielle has six friends getting married this year, and truth be told, I always thought, she would be the first one of her friends to get married.  She had been in a serious relationship all through college and after.  Six years to be exact, and there was a time during those six years, that she was planning when she could see herself married to this man.  The relationship ended.  It was painful, she loved him.

In the three years since the breakup, she has not wanted to get back into a relationship, she was hurt deeply.  The funny thing is, is that even though she will be going to these six weddings alone (without a plus one)  she isn't the slightest bit bitter.  In fact, at the shower tonight, she turned to me with a smile on her face and stated happily, "I love LOVE"  This made me happy, because even though she was hurt deeply by the man she loved for six years, she hasn't given up on LOVE, and when each of her friends gets married she will celebrate their love and know that it's a wonderful thing to "love LOVE"

Danielle's love right now is her passion for pursuing a career in comedy, and performing.  I believe one day we may even see her on a show like Saturday Night Live, or even her own situation comedy. She is driven, and secure in who she is.  She is a talented, beautiful, and passionate young woman, and when the time is right, she will turn to me and say with a smile on her face "I love LOVE" because some very lucky man is going to win her heart, and he too is going to love LOVE, because he has the love of my wonderful daughter.

I love LOVE too Danielle, and I especially love you!

The gift of "Presence"

In the Catholic religion, when you have a baby, you choose two people to be that baby's godparents.  Godparents are chosen to make sure that if something should ever happen to the baby's parents, then it is the godparents role to see that the child continues their catholic upbringing and education.  I feel that the godparents role is even more than this, as you will read on, you will see what I mean.

When our son Michael was born, his perspective godparents along with Donnie and I met with our church's Sacrament coordinator, our dear friend Sr. Joanne.  She taught us two very special things at that meeting.  One was to always bless our children, with a tiny sign of the cross on their forehead, their hand on just an air blessing.  This sign of the cross was our way of saying God always watch over and keep our child safe.  She also told the godparents to do this.  The other important thing we learned at that meeting was that godparents should not be about the "presents" they buy for their godchild, but to give their godchild the gift of their "presence" in their lives.

This lesson is one that I think transcends religion, and can be done everyday with the people you love.  Take the time to give your friends and loved ones the gift of your "presence" it is a gift that is priceless and one that can mean so much more than a store bought gift. 

Donnie and I are truly blessed, because we chose godparents for all five of our children, that truly do give them the gift of their "presence"  Even now, as my children all grow into adulthood, their godparents give them the gift of their "presence" by even just picking up the phone and asking our children about what's new in their lives.  They take the time to show an interest in their lives. In a generation of people thinking that "time is money", the godparents of our children give our children the gift of their time, and I thinks both parties are that much richer for the bond they share.

It's kind of like paying it forward people....Take the time to be a "presence" in someones life.  You never know when that simple gesture can change a persons day from bad to good.  God is a"presence" in all of our lives (for those who choose to believe) and if we live the Golden Rule, to do unto others as you would have others do unto you....then maybe one day, when you are feeling low, someone will call you or show up at your door to give you the gift of their "presence" and make your day brighter.

Give the gift of your "Presence"  it is invaluable.

"The Guardrails"

When our children were younger, we took them to Canobie Lake Park, an amusement park in New Hampshire.  There was a ride there that my husband always refers to when he talks to our children about life.  The ride was Old Fashioned Cars, that drove around on a closed course.  As a child you thought you were driving the cars all by yourself, but as a parent you notice that the cars are actually guided along by a metal "guardrail" underneath the cars.

My husband always refers to that ride and its "guardrails" when he refers to parenting.  When our children are babies/toddlers, we use our own non-metal "guardrails" to keep them from falling down when they are learning to walk, climbing stairs, trying new foods, and many other baby/toddler milestones.  It is our job to be their "guardrails", and to do whatever needs to be done, to keep them safe.

As our children grow into their teen years, being their "guardrails" becomes a more difficult task.  We talk to our children about the difference between right and wrong, making smart choices, knowing their limits, respecting their bodies, and basically we try to instill morals and values in them.  We tell them that they are responsible for their actions and choices, but if their choices veer away from those "guardrails" they will probably be grounded.  It our way of trying to continue to steer our children in the right direction, and teaching them to be responsible for their actions and choices.

As our children grow beyond their teen years, and into their adult years, that role of being their "guardrails" begins to diminish...As their parents we have laid down the course, taken on the role of their non-metal "guardrail" and given them the foundation of love, support, and guidance, that will take them on their own amusement park ride.  No longer the Old Fashioned Car ride, but the ride of Life, and where that journey will take them....only their own internal "guardrails" will know.  

To my five children ages 27 - 17 , enjoy the ride, and whatever roads it may lead you on!  

The Spoils of Divorce?

Last night at my brothers birthday party, the ex-wife of one of his best friends from high school was at the celebration.  Not his high school friend, but his wife was at this party. This made me think of our dearest friend Kelly.

Donnie had a childhood friend, and then, this friend became my friend all though high school as well.  This friend was a groomsman in our wedding, and he married a woman named Kelly.  We first met Kelly when our oldest daughter was 10 months old, and when she married our friend, life was good.  We thought the world of this couple, we even wanted them to be named future guardians of our children, should anything ever happen to us.  They made such a great couple.

They were married 13 years, and in the summer of their 12th year of marriage, we all went on a vacation to Disney World together.  After that trip, we heard less and less from them, and we wondered if we had done something to offend or upset them.  Months later, Kelly came by the house and gave us the devastating news, that she and our friend were going to get divorced.  Its one of the few times, I have seen my husband near tears.  We had no idea they were having problems. We were blindsided.

No one ever knows what goes on behind other peoples doors, or how anyone else's marriage is, but we thought they were perfect together.  Needless to say, they were divorced a year later.  In that year leading up to their divorce our friend distanced himself from us more and more.  When I asked him about this, he said that Kelly needed us more.  What I don't think he realized at the time, is that he gave us one of the best gifts of our lives.

Kelly is the kindest, sincerest, most loving person I know.  She looks back on her 13years of marriage to our friend with no remorse and she still feels a fondness for her ex-husband.  She is not a bitter woman, and she takes on life with a 'cup full ' mentality.  To me, she is family.  I consider her a sister of my heart, and all of my relatives and my immediate family embrace her as one of our own. 

If there were to be spoils had from divorce...then my family has reaped the rewards.  We miss her ex husband, and we have seen him occasionally over the years.  He has since remarried, and seems to be very happy.  Kelly says she is happy for him.  Kelly got remarried a year ago, and Donnie and I were her and her wonderful husband Johnny's only witnesses.  It was a beautiful wedding and Kelly and Johnny's smiles radiated with pure love.

So I think in this particular case....there really were no Spoils of Divorce, because life and love go on, and I am actually very grateful to Donnie's childhood and my high school friend, because had it not been for him, we would never have had the gift of Kelly's presence in our life.