"Bookends"

Yesterday was my youngest child Jane's birthday.  There are 10 years between our oldest and youngest children.  Danielle is now 28 and our baby Jane is now 18.  The "Bookends"  We always called them this because, they looked so similar at birth, and their personalities were the same, and once we had Jane, we knew our family was complete.

Yesterday, I also spent the morning with my oldest brother Kevin (who was here visiting from Texas), my parents, my sisters Kerri and Kristin, and my youngest brother Kenny.  (We missed you at Friendly's Keith, my other brother who lives in Washington). So interestingly enough, I spent the day with my parents "Bookends", their oldest and youngest child. 

The books in between my bookends: Danielle (Michael, Ryan,Mary) Jane and the books in between my parents bookends: Kevin (Kelly, Kerri, Keith, Kristin) Kenny, make up years of stories, years of treasured memories, years of laughter and tears, joys and sorrows.  Like any book on your bookshelf, they all tell a story.

At breakfast with my parents and siblings, we all shared some memories and had some laughs.  As we were getting ready to leave, my brother Kevin said that these "moments" the unexpected gathering of family members, the business trip that brought him here for a quick visit, or any moment that we as a family are able to see each other, no matter how long the time is....these are the "moments" we should cherish.

I agree with my brother.  I am very fortunate right now in my life, that very often, I am able to get all five of my children together around my table to share stories, laughter, and the sheer joy of being all together at the same time, but I know this is not always going to be that easy.  As my children continue to grow, they will have families of their own, and they will be spending time at their own homes and tables surrounded by their children, and making their own new "moments" to cherish. 

Life is a forward progression, and this is how it should be, so that is why when I get the chance to see one of my siblings, if even for a short visit, I cherish it, and I carry that snapshot of our time together in my heart.  I have the memories of our childhood in my heart, and it is fun to relive some of those memories with my siblings when I see them, but I am also happy for them, that they are making their own new memories, "moments" and stories with their own families. The circle of life goes on.

I know it saddens my parents to see their children leave after a visit with them, but I am grateful that they have each other and their health.  I see my parents now, and I see myself and Donnie in them.  As Donnie and I become empty nesters, I see that it is hard to let your children go, but if you've done your job right, then your children are supposed to move on, and all you can wish for them, is that they are happy, and that they continue to create new stories for their own bookshelves.  The bookshelves that will be filled with books made up of childhood memories, and the memories that they will make with their own families one day.

Bookends and the books in between, the stories of a lifetime.  Cherish the "moments", and when you do have the chance to spend time with whether it be one sibling, all your siblings, your mother and father, grandparents, or any family member, take the time to relive the old stories, make new stories, and continue to fill your bookcase full of the stories of life.

On my bookshelf right now, there is only one Bookend....because I have a lot of stories yet to write, and fill with memories, and cherished moments.   I hope one day when my final Bookend gets placed on the bookshelf, that my bookshelf will be overfilled with stories of love, and happiness, joys and sorrows, ups and downs, but a Story that will live on in the memories of my children, their children and their children's children....the circle of life, a forward progression.

The Art of Holding Hands

I was thinking the other day about the young people of this generation.  How fast paced their lives are and how the expression "Hooked Up" is common place for them.  Not too many young teens date monogamously today.  Girls and Guys are friends, but half of them have hooked with each other and each others friends. And the ones who date only one significant person, seem to be the odd ones out.

If someone asked me why my marriage works today, and why I still love my husband so much.  I would say it is because he was and has always been, "My Best Friend"  I remember the first time we kissed....I was so nervous, but as we held hand and walked down to the track for that first kiss, I was comforted by that hand that was holding mine. Even at a young age, I could tell him anything.  I never kept anything from him.  Before we even started dating, we used to sit in the back of the Library at school, and talk about everything that was happening in our lives.  He was my confidant, my friend, my rock and almost a year later he was my boyfriend.  We built our foundation, on a friendship built on trust and admiration.  If I had "Hooked Up" with him first, then that foundation would have never been built, because what was there to look forward to.

Recently, two of my relatives have passed away.  My Uncle Dave passed suddenly which I am sure was very hard for my Aunt Sheila. And my Aunt Marcia passed away more slowly.  I thought about my Aunt Marcia, and how my Uncle John slept by her bedside at night, just waiting for the moments when his wife, his best friend would open her eyes and acknowledge his presence by her side.  I imagine that my Uncle spent a lot of time just holding her hand, letting her know in this simple way that he was there with her. And I am sure that when my Uncle Dave was sick, my Aunt Sheila did a lot of hand holding as well. 

In sickness and in health, I have seen a lot of my relatives holding hands.  Holding the hands of their life mates, their best friends.  Young or old these people began their relationships founded on friendship. My wish for this "Hook Up" generation is that they don't miss out on the value of  "The Art of Holding Hands"  its a great foundation for friendship, and even greater foundation for a relationship.

"Remember George...no man is a failure if he has friends.....

I love the movie "Its a Wonderful Life".  Donnie and I watch it every year.  To me Donnie is George Bailey.  From the moment I started dating him, and still today, he has continued to "Lasso the Moon" for me.  When we lived in our old house, I can still close my eyes and see him in his pajamas and robe running down Tolman Street during a snow storm shouting "Good Morning Bedford Falls" and feeling the sheer joy of a snow storm and the warmth of knowing his family was safe and warm inside the house.

Donnie to me is Joy.  I am not trying to get sappy, I just wish that everyone could catch what he has, because he is a simple man who appreciates all he has ,gives so much to so many, and never asks for anything in return.. (Very much like George Bailey)

Last night we celebrated at the Wedding of our niece Nicki and her now husband Izzy.  It was a beautiful night surrounded by family and friends.  Nicki read a thank you speech to all of her guests, and in that speech, she referenced something I had said to her at our 25th Anniversary party....she said that I told her is was all about the "Passion" and that Passion was the key.

She is right, and I still feel that Passion everyday.  The passion I speak of is the Passion for Life.  Appreciate all you have and be grateful for friends, family and most of all Love.  At our 25th Anniversary, Donnie was in between jobs, and money was tight, but we still went on with our celebration, because to be surrounded by friends and family is priceless.  Donnie is in between jobs again, and it's a scary thing to be without a job in this economy.  But he never complains.  Last night I watched him dance with our children and their significant others, and his smile could have lit up the room.  He was again "Joy personified"  he was filled with a Passion for life, for his family, for his happiness for his niece, and just happy to celebrating one of life's beautiful moments.  My George Bailey is the richest man I know, and we may not live in Bedford Falls, but we met in a town called Bedford, and even though times may not always be easy....I choose, along with Donnie, to live the mantra..."It's a Wonderful life" and surround ourselves with passion, family and friends....

The Art of being a Giver...

Some people by nature are true givers.  They know instinctively what you need before you even realize you need it, and they are there to give it to you.  The true art of being a giver, is to give, without expecting anything in return.  It is to be totally unselfish.  The reward is not the praise the giver receives, or the accolades, but the comfort in knowing that your act of giving "kindness" can make the difference in a positive way in the givee's life. 

I write this because I am a proud mother of a wonderful daughter who is the ultimate "Giver".  My beautiful daughter Danielle is an amazingly unselfish Giver, who does so much for so many people, and expects nothing in return.  She gives because she has so much love for the people she gives to.  Her friends, her family, the people she works for, all receive her acts of giving "kindness's", because, when she cares for someone, she would move heaven and earth to make their lives happy and fulfilled.

I want to "Give" her this today....I want to tell her, that I see all she does, and I know she expects nothing in return, but she has my unconditional love, and pride....and I just thought today, I would dedicate my blog to her....because she gives me so much,  and she has been giving me so much joy since the day she was born.

When you're extraordinary You gotta do extraordinary things

Today's post is guest written by my husband, Donnie:
Pippin is a musical that has found its way into our lives on several occasions.  My brother-in-law was in it in college.  Our son Mike played the role of Pippin in middle school.  I sometimes tend to oversimplify things, but I have long held the premise that the musical is all about one man's struggle to find the extraordinary in his everyday life.
I believe this is a struggle that many of us have as we go through life.  As parents and mentors, we strive to enable the next generation to "do whatever they want to do" or "be whatever they want to be".  This is a noble goal; but I see at least two flaws with this endeavor:
-  The next generation has so many options, they frequently hesitate to pick one and start.
-  A cloud of confusion is generated as to what it means to be extraordinary
It is the second item that Kelly and I were talking about today.  Most of you probably know this, but I am currently in between jobs.  I have been working hard to make sure I keep a schedule, make appointments to meet with people and fully exercise my network etc.  But today was just BEAUTIFUL!  Kelly came home from running errands and said, "Let's go for a ride on the bike".  So we did.  We rode out through Lincoln and Concord and went for a walk at the North Bridge.  As we walked the grounds and realized what an extraordinary accomplishment those ordinary farmers accomplished at that bridge some 200 plus years ago, we talked about how happy we are that we have always been able to find the extraordinary in the ordinary everyday encounters.  Our lives are complete and we have been able to enjoy our journey together because we both have the ability to see these things. 
The celebration of a marriage, all the planning, and all the people you get to visit with - extraordinary.
The birth of a child, his/her first word, first step, even the first fall - extraordinary.
First day of kindergarten, little league championship, first day of dance, opening a recital, concert solos, a 25th anniversary...  I could go on, but I would likely bore you and would run out of space.  I think the key, at least for me is this.  I have never felt like I "had to settle" or that I missed out on an opportunity to be extraordinary because I have cherished the extraordinary 'moments' that present themselves to me.  For that and for the people in my life who have helped me with that, especially my best friend, my wife, Kelly - I am extraordinarily thankful.

The Joy of growing up Poor

I was having breakfast in Concord Center yesterday with my sister Kerri at the Main Street Cafe.  She is currently taking a writing course, and in this course you write about your memories.  So as we sat there over our coffee, we began reminiscing about our childhood.  She read one of her memory stories to me about when our family had to sell all our possessions and move to California.  But we didn't know how poor we were, or why my mother had to sell all our possessions, we were just excited for a new adventure.  There were only 5 of us six K's at the time, (Kevin, Kelly, Kerri, Keith, and Kristin....Kenny came along years later) and we lived in California for a little over a year, until our Dad lost his job,  we had to sell all our things again, pack up our car and drive cross country back to Massachusetts.  In Kerri's story she remembers, singing in the car, and my parents making up a song about cows (Moo Cow Moo Cow Moo Cow Cow)  every time we saw cows we would laugh and sing that song over and over (ahh the joy of simple entertainment).  We didn't have game boys or lap tops in those days, so made up songs, and coloring books and crayons had to suffice. One of my memories of that trip back to Mass. was that I heard my parents talk about running out of money, so when we got to Nevada, my Dad parked the car outside a Casino, and my mom went in and actually won money, so that we could eat and make it back home to my grandparents house in Lincoln where we lived until we got back on our feet, and my Dad got at job teaching and coaching. 

My Dad ended up getting laid off from that teaching job, and the next years were tough.  Now there were six mouths to feed, and my Dad went from job to job.  Those were the "Lean Years", but we never knew it.  My mother somehow made meals out of magic.  One of my favorite meals was elbows macaroni with tomato soup on it.  To this day I find myself craving that meal.  What got us through those years were Angels.  Angels in the guise of my great aunts, and gradparents who would send care packages of food to our house.  Or Angels in the guise of wonderful friends named Russ and Ginny.  Were it not for Russ, our family would have had many nights without heat.  He built a wood stove out of an old furnace for our fireplace, and that wood stove kept us kids warm on many a cold night.  My mother was also the Angel who got up all through the night to feed that furnace, so that we wouldn't feel the cold, she never once let on, how hard things were.  We were fed, clothed and happy.  My siblings and I never knew about all these Angels, we didn't even know we were poor. 

As Kerri and I sat at the Main Street Cafe, one of my favorite memories was of this same spot that we were eating at.  Our car had broken down right around the holidays, and my grandfather (another of our many Angels) loaned us his old red pick up truck, so that we could go to my other grandparents house for Christmas. There were 6 of us kids, my parents and a pick up truck.  How were we all going to get to Maynard for the Holiday?  Well, ...my mother and father, Kenny and Kristin all sat in the front of the truck, and Kevin, myself, Kerri and Keith all sat in the bed of the truck covered by tons of blankets, and a tarp covered the back of the truck bed.  Why the tarp?  Because this year it Snowed!! on Christmas Day.....and it Snowed a lot!!!  As we made out way from Bedford to Maynard, we ended up making a quick stop at the store on Main Street in Concord which is now the Main Street Cafe.  It was snowing so hard, and I can remember us kids poking our heads out from under the tarp....people must have thought my parents were crazy....but all I felt was Joy, it was Christmas Day, it was Snowing, and us kids were in the back of a truck under a tarp....a real adventure and a Christmas to remember for sure....there really was some joy in growing up poor!

The Looking Glass

If only our mirrors could talk.  We look into the looking glass and see only our reflection, but if we really looked close enough would it be possible to see our souls.  Would that we could see our true selves, the good the bad and the ugly.  We would be able to see the bad and ugly reflecting back at us, and we wouldn't be able to ignore it, we would have to face it head on, and work to make that reflection become clear again, so that we could turn the bad and ugly into the "good" part of ourselves..

When I look in the mirror these days, I see myself clearly, and I am at peace with my reflection, because I accept myself for who I am and I am okay with the good the bad and the ugly.  Those three parts of me are all blended together and somehow make me who I am, and I like to think that the good controls the other two parts, and comes out on top..

However, I have also been around long enough to know that sometimes despite our best efforts, we still see things as we want to see them.  So, I am careful to make sure that as I look upon my reflection, I also balance what I see against what feedback I get from others.

If we were all honest with our reflections and the feedback we get from others, then I believe the "Good" would continue to win out, and our souls would be at peace.  So when we looked into the looking glass...we would all be "Beautiful"