Several times a week I find myself driving through Calvary Cemetary. Many generations of my family members on both my mother and fathers side are buried there. Both sets of my grandparents are there, and often I drive by their gravesites, and find myself talking out loud to them. I wish them Happy Holidays, I wish them peace, and I reminise with them about my memories of them. When I am having issues with my children, I go there and ask them, how they ever mangaged raising their kids. They never answer me, but I find a sense of solace, in just knowing that they too raised their families and faced lifes ups and downs like we all do.
I drive all through the cemetary, and when I am feeling stressed out or overwhelmed by life, I find myself comforted in knowing that all these people buried here, have a story to tell. They all knew some sort of joy and some sort of sorrow at one time in their lives. I think of my great Aunt Sophie who is buried in this cemetary. She lost a son at the age of 8, she had a daughter born with cerebral palsey, she had a husband who lost a limb in a work accident, and she lost a son at the age of 42. All these things happened to her, and yet whenever I visited with her, she would be baking or regaling me with family stories with laughter and a twinkle in her eyes. She knew sorrow and she knew joy in her lifetime, and died in her 90's. I think of my great Aunt Mesa, her mother died when she was a teen, and she ended up raising my grandmother Rose. It could not have been easy to have lost your mother and then to become a second mother to your own sister. But when I think of Aunt Mesa, she too knew joy and sorrow, and yet when I would visit with her, she never said woe is me, she would tell me stories of her childhood and that of her siblings, and I would end up laughing at the stories she would tell. She is buried in Calvary as well. So many of my family members, so many strangers, and they all have stories.
Many of these people woke up each day, went to work and experienced life....the good, the bad, and the ugly. But they all lived. For the babies who are buried at Calvary, I find a kind of peace in knowing that God needed angels, and those babies are all angels in heaven watching over us. Not everyone believes these things, but I'm not asking anyone to share my beliefs, I just know that I find comfort in knowing that when I am cruising through Calvary, I am not alone. I am surrounded by angels, and family members who watch over me and my family from heaven. And when I am having a particularly bad day, I cruise through Calvary and remember to cherish each day, as my story continues to be written..
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Elementary School Friendships
When your children grow old enough to go to Elementary school, it is a time when friendships amongst parents are formed. Your son or daughter meets new friends, and you and their parents become friends too. But are all these friendships true friendships, and do they all last?
It does seem to happen in a lot of cases though. You have play dates for your children and their new friend or friends, and often it ends up being a time for the parents to get to know each other over a cup of coffee or something. You and that new parent seem to have alot in common, and the main thing in common is the budding friendship between your children. As your children's friendship grows, many times the adults friendships grow as well.
Lets face it you do see a lot of each other at school functions, at the playground, at soccer, baseball or other sporting events. But is your child's friendship with their child, enough to base a true friendship on, and as those children grow up and go their separate ways (or maybe even stop being friends) does this mean the adult friendship should end too?
I met alot of parents that I thought were my friends, when my children were young, but as it turns out, we didn't have as much in common as I thought, and some of the friendships didn't last. I do have a best friend that I met through my oldest daughters Elementary school years. She had a son the same age as my daughter, and I thinks we have such a great friendship today because there was never any competition between our children, probably because they were opposite sexes. I am grateful for this friendship, and for my friend Lori.
Today I blog because sometimes, many years later you can rekindle a friendship from your children's Elementary school years, with someone who you didn't really get a chance to get to know better when your kids were young. You may have been friendly with that person, and generally liked that person, but due to outside influences, the friendship never got to grow. Today I went for a walk with just such a woman. We realized how much we had in common, and how much alike our home lives were. We got along like we have been friends for a lifetime, and to be honest with you....at 49 years old, I think she and I will be better friends than we would have been in our 20's, because, there are no outside influences keeping us from knowing each other better, our children are grown, there is no competition, and we are two strong, healthy and happy women secure in who we are, we have our own minds and can decide who we want to be friends without other people swaying us one way or another.
As said in one of my earlier blogs, I suffer from depression, and what I've learned from dealing with this malady, is that I need to surround myself with positive people. I don't need to be friends with anyone who is negative energy, and I need friends in my life, that I can be myself with. Friends that I can be open and honest with, and not worry about being judged. So to my friend who I went walking with today, (you know who you are) thank you for calling and asking me to go for a walk today, and thank you for your honesty, and allowing me to be honest as well. Its a great foundation to a friendship, and I look forward to furthering our Elementary School Friendship, almost 20 years later. It is never to late to build positive friendships.
It does seem to happen in a lot of cases though. You have play dates for your children and their new friend or friends, and often it ends up being a time for the parents to get to know each other over a cup of coffee or something. You and that new parent seem to have alot in common, and the main thing in common is the budding friendship between your children. As your children's friendship grows, many times the adults friendships grow as well.
Lets face it you do see a lot of each other at school functions, at the playground, at soccer, baseball or other sporting events. But is your child's friendship with their child, enough to base a true friendship on, and as those children grow up and go their separate ways (or maybe even stop being friends) does this mean the adult friendship should end too?
I met alot of parents that I thought were my friends, when my children were young, but as it turns out, we didn't have as much in common as I thought, and some of the friendships didn't last. I do have a best friend that I met through my oldest daughters Elementary school years. She had a son the same age as my daughter, and I thinks we have such a great friendship today because there was never any competition between our children, probably because they were opposite sexes. I am grateful for this friendship, and for my friend Lori.
Today I blog because sometimes, many years later you can rekindle a friendship from your children's Elementary school years, with someone who you didn't really get a chance to get to know better when your kids were young. You may have been friendly with that person, and generally liked that person, but due to outside influences, the friendship never got to grow. Today I went for a walk with just such a woman. We realized how much we had in common, and how much alike our home lives were. We got along like we have been friends for a lifetime, and to be honest with you....at 49 years old, I think she and I will be better friends than we would have been in our 20's, because, there are no outside influences keeping us from knowing each other better, our children are grown, there is no competition, and we are two strong, healthy and happy women secure in who we are, we have our own minds and can decide who we want to be friends without other people swaying us one way or another.
As said in one of my earlier blogs, I suffer from depression, and what I've learned from dealing with this malady, is that I need to surround myself with positive people. I don't need to be friends with anyone who is negative energy, and I need friends in my life, that I can be myself with. Friends that I can be open and honest with, and not worry about being judged. So to my friend who I went walking with today, (you know who you are) thank you for calling and asking me to go for a walk today, and thank you for your honesty, and allowing me to be honest as well. Its a great foundation to a friendship, and I look forward to furthering our Elementary School Friendship, almost 20 years later. It is never to late to build positive friendships.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
"New Life"
Tomorrow my family will celebrate Easter. A time for "New Life". 6 years ago on the Eve before Easter, my son was canoeing on the Charles River when his canoe tipped over. It was dark by the time he and his friends were canoeing home, and he ended up somehow swimming under the light of the moon, to the edge of the Charles and finding his way to an assisted living residence.. At the residence, he asked to use the phone, and called us for a ride home.
The other interesting thing about that time, was that two weeks prior to this Easter, the people at my grandmothers nursing home told us to prepare for her passing. But my Nana rallied, and that Easter we were able to go to Mass with her.
By the grace of God, my son was a strong swimmer and made it safely to the land. Also by the grace of God my family was able to spend one more Easter with my Nana. The miracle of Easter and New Life, was that my son did not drown, that Easter eve, and we were given extra time with my grandmother.
Over two weeks later, after that Easter, my Nana did pass away. I think things happened that Easter for a reason. In retrospect, I see that these incidents were a reminder to cherish our life, and to be grateful for the time we get to spend with our loved ones. Everyday is a gift, a gift of "New Life" one we should never take for granted.
The other interesting thing about that time, was that two weeks prior to this Easter, the people at my grandmothers nursing home told us to prepare for her passing. But my Nana rallied, and that Easter we were able to go to Mass with her.
By the grace of God, my son was a strong swimmer and made it safely to the land. Also by the grace of God my family was able to spend one more Easter with my Nana. The miracle of Easter and New Life, was that my son did not drown, that Easter eve, and we were given extra time with my grandmother.
Over two weeks later, after that Easter, my Nana did pass away. I think things happened that Easter for a reason. In retrospect, I see that these incidents were a reminder to cherish our life, and to be grateful for the time we get to spend with our loved ones. Everyday is a gift, a gift of "New Life" one we should never take for granted.
Friday, April 6, 2012
"I love Love"
Tonight my daughter Danielle and I went to the Bridal shower of her Kindergarten best friend. Danielle has six friends getting married this year, and truth be told, I always thought, she would be the first one of her friends to get married. She had been in a serious relationship all through college and after. Six years to be exact, and there was a time during those six years, that she was planning when she could see herself married to this man. The relationship ended. It was painful, she loved him.
In the three years since the breakup, she has not wanted to get back into a relationship, she was hurt deeply. The funny thing is, is that even though she will be going to these six weddings alone (without a plus one) she isn't the slightest bit bitter. In fact, at the shower tonight, she turned to me with a smile on her face and stated happily, "I love LOVE" This made me happy, because even though she was hurt deeply by the man she loved for six years, she hasn't given up on LOVE, and when each of her friends gets married she will celebrate their love and know that it's a wonderful thing to "love LOVE"
Danielle's love right now is her passion for pursuing a career in comedy, and performing. I believe one day we may even see her on a show like Saturday Night Live, or even her own situation comedy. She is driven, and secure in who she is. She is a talented, beautiful, and passionate young woman, and when the time is right, she will turn to me and say with a smile on her face "I love LOVE" because some very lucky man is going to win her heart, and he too is going to love LOVE, because he has the love of my wonderful daughter.
I love LOVE too Danielle, and I especially love you!
In the three years since the breakup, she has not wanted to get back into a relationship, she was hurt deeply. The funny thing is, is that even though she will be going to these six weddings alone (without a plus one) she isn't the slightest bit bitter. In fact, at the shower tonight, she turned to me with a smile on her face and stated happily, "I love LOVE" This made me happy, because even though she was hurt deeply by the man she loved for six years, she hasn't given up on LOVE, and when each of her friends gets married she will celebrate their love and know that it's a wonderful thing to "love LOVE"
Danielle's love right now is her passion for pursuing a career in comedy, and performing. I believe one day we may even see her on a show like Saturday Night Live, or even her own situation comedy. She is driven, and secure in who she is. She is a talented, beautiful, and passionate young woman, and when the time is right, she will turn to me and say with a smile on her face "I love LOVE" because some very lucky man is going to win her heart, and he too is going to love LOVE, because he has the love of my wonderful daughter.
I love LOVE too Danielle, and I especially love you!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The gift of "Presence"
In the Catholic religion, when you have a baby, you choose two people to be that baby's godparents. Godparents are chosen to make sure that if something should ever happen to the baby's parents, then it is the godparents role to see that the child continues their catholic upbringing and education. I feel that the godparents role is even more than this, as you will read on, you will see what I mean.
When our son Michael was born, his perspective godparents along with Donnie and I met with our church's Sacrament coordinator, our dear friend Sr. Joanne. She taught us two very special things at that meeting. One was to always bless our children, with a tiny sign of the cross on their forehead, their hand on just an air blessing. This sign of the cross was our way of saying God always watch over and keep our child safe. She also told the godparents to do this. The other important thing we learned at that meeting was that godparents should not be about the "presents" they buy for their godchild, but to give their godchild the gift of their "presence" in their lives.
This lesson is one that I think transcends religion, and can be done everyday with the people you love. Take the time to give your friends and loved ones the gift of your "presence" it is a gift that is priceless and one that can mean so much more than a store bought gift.
Donnie and I are truly blessed, because we chose godparents for all five of our children, that truly do give them the gift of their "presence" Even now, as my children all grow into adulthood, their godparents give them the gift of their "presence" by even just picking up the phone and asking our children about what's new in their lives. They take the time to show an interest in their lives. In a generation of people thinking that "time is money", the godparents of our children give our children the gift of their time, and I thinks both parties are that much richer for the bond they share.
It's kind of like paying it forward people....Take the time to be a "presence" in someones life. You never know when that simple gesture can change a persons day from bad to good. God is a"presence" in all of our lives (for those who choose to believe) and if we live the Golden Rule, to do unto others as you would have others do unto you....then maybe one day, when you are feeling low, someone will call you or show up at your door to give you the gift of their "presence" and make your day brighter.
Give the gift of your "Presence" it is invaluable.
When our son Michael was born, his perspective godparents along with Donnie and I met with our church's Sacrament coordinator, our dear friend Sr. Joanne. She taught us two very special things at that meeting. One was to always bless our children, with a tiny sign of the cross on their forehead, their hand on just an air blessing. This sign of the cross was our way of saying God always watch over and keep our child safe. She also told the godparents to do this. The other important thing we learned at that meeting was that godparents should not be about the "presents" they buy for their godchild, but to give their godchild the gift of their "presence" in their lives.
This lesson is one that I think transcends religion, and can be done everyday with the people you love. Take the time to give your friends and loved ones the gift of your "presence" it is a gift that is priceless and one that can mean so much more than a store bought gift.
Donnie and I are truly blessed, because we chose godparents for all five of our children, that truly do give them the gift of their "presence" Even now, as my children all grow into adulthood, their godparents give them the gift of their "presence" by even just picking up the phone and asking our children about what's new in their lives. They take the time to show an interest in their lives. In a generation of people thinking that "time is money", the godparents of our children give our children the gift of their time, and I thinks both parties are that much richer for the bond they share.
It's kind of like paying it forward people....Take the time to be a "presence" in someones life. You never know when that simple gesture can change a persons day from bad to good. God is a"presence" in all of our lives (for those who choose to believe) and if we live the Golden Rule, to do unto others as you would have others do unto you....then maybe one day, when you are feeling low, someone will call you or show up at your door to give you the gift of their "presence" and make your day brighter.
Give the gift of your "Presence" it is invaluable.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
"The Guardrails"
When our children were younger, we took them to Canobie Lake Park, an amusement park in New Hampshire. There was a ride there that my husband always refers to when he talks to our children about life. The ride was Old Fashioned Cars, that drove around on a closed course. As a child you thought you were driving the cars all by yourself, but as a parent you notice that the cars are actually guided along by a metal "guardrail" underneath the cars.
My husband always refers to that ride and its "guardrails" when he refers to parenting. When our children are babies/toddlers, we use our own non-metal "guardrails" to keep them from falling down when they are learning to walk, climbing stairs, trying new foods, and many other baby/toddler milestones. It is our job to be their "guardrails", and to do whatever needs to be done, to keep them safe.
As our children grow into their teen years, being their "guardrails" becomes a more difficult task. We talk to our children about the difference between right and wrong, making smart choices, knowing their limits, respecting their bodies, and basically we try to instill morals and values in them. We tell them that they are responsible for their actions and choices, but if their choices veer away from those "guardrails" they will probably be grounded. It our way of trying to continue to steer our children in the right direction, and teaching them to be responsible for their actions and choices.
As our children grow beyond their teen years, and into their adult years, that role of being their "guardrails" begins to diminish...As their parents we have laid down the course, taken on the role of their non-metal "guardrail" and given them the foundation of love, support, and guidance, that will take them on their own amusement park ride. No longer the Old Fashioned Car ride, but the ride of Life, and where that journey will take them....only their own internal "guardrails" will know.
To my five children ages 27 - 17 , enjoy the ride, and whatever roads it may lead you on!
My husband always refers to that ride and its "guardrails" when he refers to parenting. When our children are babies/toddlers, we use our own non-metal "guardrails" to keep them from falling down when they are learning to walk, climbing stairs, trying new foods, and many other baby/toddler milestones. It is our job to be their "guardrails", and to do whatever needs to be done, to keep them safe.
As our children grow into their teen years, being their "guardrails" becomes a more difficult task. We talk to our children about the difference between right and wrong, making smart choices, knowing their limits, respecting their bodies, and basically we try to instill morals and values in them. We tell them that they are responsible for their actions and choices, but if their choices veer away from those "guardrails" they will probably be grounded. It our way of trying to continue to steer our children in the right direction, and teaching them to be responsible for their actions and choices.
As our children grow beyond their teen years, and into their adult years, that role of being their "guardrails" begins to diminish...As their parents we have laid down the course, taken on the role of their non-metal "guardrail" and given them the foundation of love, support, and guidance, that will take them on their own amusement park ride. No longer the Old Fashioned Car ride, but the ride of Life, and where that journey will take them....only their own internal "guardrails" will know.
To my five children ages 27 - 17 , enjoy the ride, and whatever roads it may lead you on!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Spoils of Divorce?
Last night at my brothers birthday party, the ex-wife of one of his best friends from high school was at the celebration. Not his high school friend, but his wife was at this party. This made me think of our dearest friend Kelly.
Donnie had a childhood friend, and then, this friend became my friend all though high school as well. This friend was a groomsman in our wedding, and he married a woman named Kelly. We first met Kelly when our oldest daughter was 10 months old, and when she married our friend, life was good. We thought the world of this couple, we even wanted them to be named future guardians of our children, should anything ever happen to us. They made such a great couple.
They were married 13 years, and in the summer of their 12th year of marriage, we all went on a vacation to Disney World together. After that trip, we heard less and less from them, and we wondered if we had done something to offend or upset them. Months later, Kelly came by the house and gave us the devastating news, that she and our friend were going to get divorced. Its one of the few times, I have seen my husband near tears. We had no idea they were having problems. We were blindsided.
No one ever knows what goes on behind other peoples doors, or how anyone else's marriage is, but we thought they were perfect together. Needless to say, they were divorced a year later. In that year leading up to their divorce our friend distanced himself from us more and more. When I asked him about this, he said that Kelly needed us more. What I don't think he realized at the time, is that he gave us one of the best gifts of our lives.
Kelly is the kindest, sincerest, most loving person I know. She looks back on her 13years of marriage to our friend with no remorse and she still feels a fondness for her ex-husband. She is not a bitter woman, and she takes on life with a 'cup full ' mentality. To me, she is family. I consider her a sister of my heart, and all of my relatives and my immediate family embrace her as one of our own.
If there were to be spoils had from divorce...then my family has reaped the rewards. We miss her ex husband, and we have seen him occasionally over the years. He has since remarried, and seems to be very happy. Kelly says she is happy for him. Kelly got remarried a year ago, and Donnie and I were her and her wonderful husband Johnny's only witnesses. It was a beautiful wedding and Kelly and Johnny's smiles radiated with pure love.
So I think in this particular case....there really were no Spoils of Divorce, because life and love go on, and I am actually very grateful to Donnie's childhood and my high school friend, because had it not been for him, we would never have had the gift of Kelly's presence in our life.
Donnie had a childhood friend, and then, this friend became my friend all though high school as well. This friend was a groomsman in our wedding, and he married a woman named Kelly. We first met Kelly when our oldest daughter was 10 months old, and when she married our friend, life was good. We thought the world of this couple, we even wanted them to be named future guardians of our children, should anything ever happen to us. They made such a great couple.
They were married 13 years, and in the summer of their 12th year of marriage, we all went on a vacation to Disney World together. After that trip, we heard less and less from them, and we wondered if we had done something to offend or upset them. Months later, Kelly came by the house and gave us the devastating news, that she and our friend were going to get divorced. Its one of the few times, I have seen my husband near tears. We had no idea they were having problems. We were blindsided.
No one ever knows what goes on behind other peoples doors, or how anyone else's marriage is, but we thought they were perfect together. Needless to say, they were divorced a year later. In that year leading up to their divorce our friend distanced himself from us more and more. When I asked him about this, he said that Kelly needed us more. What I don't think he realized at the time, is that he gave us one of the best gifts of our lives.
Kelly is the kindest, sincerest, most loving person I know. She looks back on her 13years of marriage to our friend with no remorse and she still feels a fondness for her ex-husband. She is not a bitter woman, and she takes on life with a 'cup full ' mentality. To me, she is family. I consider her a sister of my heart, and all of my relatives and my immediate family embrace her as one of our own.
If there were to be spoils had from divorce...then my family has reaped the rewards. We miss her ex husband, and we have seen him occasionally over the years. He has since remarried, and seems to be very happy. Kelly says she is happy for him. Kelly got remarried a year ago, and Donnie and I were her and her wonderful husband Johnny's only witnesses. It was a beautiful wedding and Kelly and Johnny's smiles radiated with pure love.
So I think in this particular case....there really were no Spoils of Divorce, because life and love go on, and I am actually very grateful to Donnie's childhood and my high school friend, because had it not been for him, we would never have had the gift of Kelly's presence in our life.
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